An Entry All About Kristine Johnson From CBS 2 New York

If you live in the New Jersey/ New York metropolitan area, you're bound to watch the CBS 2 local news with Maurice DuBois (that means "of wood") and Kristine Johnson. They are a very professional and engaging news team and have won many awards in broadcast journalism, but all that has very little to do with how amazingly hot Kristine Johnson is. She is so hot that she is the only person these days who can pull off the "Rachel" haircut.

From her website: 

Kristine Johnson is proud to be a recipient of three Emmy Awards for her part in breaking news coverage of “The Miracle on the Hudson” and the Brooklyn Tornadoes. During her time at CBS 2 she has covered political elections, Pope Benedict’s visit to NYC and several other major breaking news events. She has occasionally broadcast the news wearing a Bon Jovi t-shirt cut to show her midriff and a clear latex cheerleading outfit.

Okay, I made up that last sentence.

In addition to simply reading the news, Maurice and Kristine convert their incredible between-story banter skills to interview local politicians and other schmucks.

Of course, with such universal beauty as Kristine's, it's easy to occasionally see her doppelgangers in other, less dignified contexts.

Delightful!

Spotted on the NJ Transit train this morning, a man absolutely exhilarated by the Lifestyle section of the paper.





Bravo, Garfield! Good show!

What The Fart, Channel 7 News Team In Boston?!

I seriously don't know what's going on here. The camera now crops your broadcasts so that your anchors are sitting way at the bottom of the screen while some MegaJumbotron screen the size of Chairman Mao's portrait runs a screensaver.


Apparently your producers have never been to photography or film school, because otherwise they'd know about the Rule Of Thirds, wherein a frame is divided to create well-balanced and interesting shots.




Maybe you're trying to make a bigger deal of your big TV screen, since you paid so much for it. Or maybe you're somehow so proud of your graphics department that you want to reward them with front-and-center attention.


Well, all I know is that Nestor at Diego's Salon is majorly PISSED that his handiwork is being relegated to the size of a grape.

An Open Letter To Andrea Bocelli

Hey Man,

Thanks for the newspaper. I had no idea you and me both shared an interest in New Jersey local news and politics. I just assumed since you were a world-renowned opera tenor and the biggest-selling solo artist in the history of classical music, that you wouldn't care about The League of Municipalities convention where they'll debate over a property tax cap or Rutgers coach Greg Schiano's struggles after getting the Scarlet Knights tied for last place in the Big East. Who knew?

I mean, when you sang the part of Canio in Ruggero Leoncavallo's Pagliacci back in 2007, I had no idea you would one day be gladdened like I was at Governor Chris Christie patching up his sometimes rocky relationship with the New Jersey Chamber of Commerce ever since they strongly supported his then-opponent incumbent Jon Corzine!

Thanks again for for the paper, Andre. It has a lot of old articles about Artie Lang selling his Hoboken home and all, but the Sudoku is pretty fresh.

"CNN is Now For 12 Year Olds."

That's a quote from my wife. And she's right.
This is on CNN.com's front page:


For mo' better news, go to

BBC
Real Clear Politics (thanks, John Reid!)
and even Google News which compiles different sources.

(My favorite dinosaur is the nonexistent Brontosaurus, btw)

Let's Refer To the EADJ As "Snazzy," Even Though That Word Makes Us Feel Incredibly Uncomfortable!

Submitted by John Reid, a headline that came very close to becoming the next blog masthead.

Learning About New Cultures

I'm pretty sure lots of people just don't get Americans.

In Other Stupid News...

A little after the 10-minute mark into their broadcast, Channel 2 News turns totally retarded. As if somehow all the international goings on in Georgia, Pakistan, Zimbabwe, and even Denver are set aside for stories about bears wandering into barber shops or armadillos driving tractors. Like the guy in their news room is going, "Yeah, yeah, yeah Darfur whatever. Where's my segment about that four-eared Yoda cat?!"


One story that does bear mentioning involves these two teens in Jersey who decided to go vigilante on some drug dealers and dressed up as ninjas to drive them out of their neighborhood. Video clip:


This story is awesome on 4 counts:

1) Vigilante justice
2) Stupid teenagers
3) DRESSING UP AS MOTHERFUCKING NINJAS
4) Jersey
5) Drug dealers who probably have guns in response to whatever shiruken or nunchuku those two boys might have brought to the party.
6) "Looking as ninja as possible."
7) The title "Ninja Enthusiast"

I know I said only 4, but fuck that. That shit is HOT. I officially do that thing where I punch my chest twice, kiss two fingertips, then make the peace sign for Tadeusz Pertkiewicz and Jesse Tronjaniak. Respeck.

Full story here.

Channel 2 News is Crap.

"Around 11:25, we must always, always make room for some kind of retarded animal story. As journalists we owe it to our viewers."

An Unexpected Surprise.

Joel found out yesterday afternoon that a new dick vending machine has been installed in the apartment complex laundry room!

And even though he had tons of frozen dick still left in his walk-in freezer, Joel was eager to try out the new machine. He scrounged around the apartment for change, but unfortunately his chimp servant Chad Yarborough had used all of the change in the change jar to bleach out Joel's dick bib.

He checked the console of the Festiva in the garage. Nothing.

He rattled his Little Lulu bank on the mantel. Nothing.

He checked under the throw pillows on his papa san. Nothing.

Then he realized that the dick vending machine took dollar bills, too! He went to an ATM, broke the twenty at a convenience store by buying some Tic Tacs, and bought nineteen dollars and 43 cents worth of vendable DICK!

Needless to say, he spoiled his appetite for dinner. His chimp servant had to put the rosemary stuffed shells in the fridge.

(pictured above, The Newspaper Association of America's last half-assed attempt at relevance)