Joel found out yesterday afternoon that a new dick vending machine has been installed in the apartment complex laundry room!
And even though he had tons of frozen dick still left in his walk-in freezer, Joel was eager to try out the new machine. He scrounged around the apartment for change, but unfortunately his chimp servant Chad Yarborough had used all of the change in the change jar to bleach out Joel's dick bib.
He checked the console of the Festiva in the garage. Nothing.
He rattled his Little Lulu bank on the mantel. Nothing.
He checked under the throw pillows on his papa san. Nothing.
Then he realized that the dick vending machine took dollar bills, too! He went to an ATM, broke the twenty at a convenience store by buying some Tic Tacs, and bought nineteen dollars and 43 cents worth of vendable DICK!
Needless to say, he spoiled his appetite for dinner. His chimp servant had to put the rosemary stuffed shells in the fridge.
(pictured above, The Newspaper Association of America's last half-assed attempt at relevance)
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