Congrats on your first porn shoot! We’re all ready to begin shooting your debut scene, but first we'll need you to pick a porn name to use in our end credits and IMDB. Here's a dispensary shopping bag full of porn names that you can pick from. Help yourself, but be warned– quite a few of these are stupid:
Him
Fenton L.
Lou Hanging Fruit
Taw Keenaway (from the lyrics to “Take On Me” by a-Ha)
For those who haven't seen it yet, here is the list of songs to expect when watching "The Bridges of Madison County" on Broadway, playing until sometime next month. Or sooner.
1) "That's Not Clint Eastwood"
2) "Whiny Hausfrau"
3) "Soooooo Bored With My Marriage"
4) "A Nice Drive (Through Changing Leaves)"
5) "(So Am I Supposed To Pretend) This is Romantic?"
6) "Balls Deep"
7) "Once Again We Meet Again"
8) "Bali Ha'i"
9) "He Don't Love You (The Way I Love You), Bitch"
10) "Tagging That Ass Under Bridge Support Beams"
11) "Penis"
12) "A Toast To Us"
13) "Autumnal Booty / Bumping Uglies Under The Moon"
14) "Balls Deep (Reprise)"
15) "What The Hell Are You Doing With My Wife In This Stupid Bridge?"
16) "Bridge Duel: Part One"
17) "No Don't Francis"
18) "Bridge Duel: Part Two"
19) "Another Brick In The Wall: Part Two"
20) "Wait, I Just Noticed That's Not Meryl Streep"
Back in January of 2010 we had a holiday entry that judged a good singer from a bad from the way they enunciated a certain phrase.
Today on EADJ Song Hate, we have an example where a singer not only fails that test but repeats it dozens of times in one song, just poking at your eardrums with his lazy run-on of words that irritates beyond belief.
If you're unfortunate not to have an MP3 or CD player in your car, you've heard this Top Forty hit on the radio at some point in the last few months:
The cornball lyrics go like this:
I can't win, I can't reign I will never win this game Without you, without you I am lost, I am vain, I will never be the same Without you, without you
But thanks to Usher's terrible enunciation, this is what you hear:
I can't win, I can't reign I will never win this game Without chew, without chew I am lost, I am vain, I will never be the same Without chew, without chew
You hear that? Despite his impressive vocal acrobatics and soulful tremolo, Usher mashes the words "without" and "you" together to make a dripping Sloppy Joe of a lyric. "Without chew."
Now, go back and play that YouTube clip again. That shit will irritate the everbreathing fuck out of you now like it does us.
Normally, here on Song Hate we'd break down why the lyrics are awful or why the melody is annoying, but it's really not the most terrible song in the world without all the "ch" sounds. And we don't even dislike David Guetta or Usher. Although we might have to go back and reconsider a lot of Usher songs.
Um, that's about it. Let's hoist this motherfucker up into the rafters of musicdom and never talk about it again. Dave, Usher, you two are excused.
