Now We Say Goodbye To All the Stuff Ads Want Us To Say Goodbye To!

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!

A Message From a Potential Employer

A chat on my phone:

Sushi? SUSHI?

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Some Santas have laps you'll need to towel off before sitting in.

It's nice that Cardi B decided to go with a more candid shot of her everyday life than an artificially posed shot in a studio.

Good thing they hid that guy's eyes. Way to preserve that person's privacy.

"Well, shit. I told Tamara to meet me in the car at 2pm. I'm giving her ten more minutes in the mall, and then I'm driving away."

Yes. Associate yourself with the good, sane Kanye.

Christmas Rapping? Get it? No?

"I pledge allegiance, to the ants, at the side of the driveway at Hojo."

If there's one thing Illa Ghee doesn't abide, it's sassy backtalk on the Brooklyn Bridge.

And before Trill B knew what happened, the three lesbians made off with his gold chains.

An album cover so boring I'd probably pee elsewhere.

"Goddammit. I told Tamara to meet me at the airport at 4pm. Fine. I'll give her ten minutes till I fly to Cancun without her."

Spotted on Route 22 In Union, NJ

Here's a truck for a company called "Poppy LLC," featuring a gangsta kid with his baggy pants hung low, inspiring confidence everywhere.

At closer inspection, it turns out "POPPY" stands for "Paycheck Owed Phone Poppy You." What.

For one thing, you can't have the name of the acronym IN the acronym. And what the bing bong shit does "Paycheck Owed Phone Poppy You" mean?

THIS IS THE WORST CAMOUFLAGE FOR A SECRET GOVERNMENT OPERATION EVER.

***Update: I turned on the ol' Google machine and searched for "Poppy LLC." The first result didn't seem like the same company, but the fifth result scarily showed that I wasn't far off:

Poppy Llc is an acitve (sic) carrier operating under United States Department of Transportation (USDOT) Number 2505095. Carrier is licensed to carry hazmat rated materials from the general freight, cargo categories.

HOLY SHIT THAT TRUCK DROVE RIGHT BY ME I'M GOING TO DIE

Tits!

So Joel was off Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. He came in to work on Thursday to just pick up a paycheck, but Janice and Rashid convinced him to stay since he was the only one who knew how to adjust the deep fryer to make onion rings.

All that time off was enough for Joel to concentrate on his new terrible screenplay: the story of a young couple who love each other and want to get married but have to get Robin Williams' approval before walking down the aisle. Robin Williams will have plenty of room in the script to "improvise" and make "off-the-cuff" remarks while still staying in character– Joel has built these sections into the script labeled [ROBIN FUNNY]. He has also written his chimp servant as Robin Williams' parochial assistant, although the chimp servant has flatly refused to read for it. Maybe a chubby child...

Some Warner Brothers execs have expressed both interest and arousal from the budding screenplay. Two likeable (but not yet bankable) stars have signed up for the lead roles already: John Krasinki and pop singer Rihanna. Variety has lauded the studio for bravely depicting an interracial couple with its headline: MISCEGENATION RULEZ!

Warner Brothers have generously agreed to pay half of Joel's August rent in exchange for the completed screenplay. Joel is PSYCHED!

(pictured above, Kelly Clarkson bridges the generational gap between the insecure, useless, shoppy white chicks under 18 and the insecure, useless, shoppy white chicks over 18)