More Stupid Taglines For a Stupid, Forgotten Movie

Here Are Your Job Numbers For Jan. 7-11, 2019

Hey guys. Samantha here. You know the deal. Don't make me get up and hunt you down. Don't get on my bad side. Don't make me put down my coffee. Don't cross me sideways unless you want a size 10 heel up your wazoo, mister. Job numbers. Do them. Submit them to Accounting by 3pm or none of us will get paid:

28488: Burning the microwave popcorn

28488b: Claiming to like burnt microwave popcorn

86936: Flossing while "flossing"

50138: Work stuff

78934: Googling "pipe bomb" in Private mode

38199: Spitting on your dick at the urinal

200723: Washing that man right out of your hair

933567: Finding a toe ring that matches

422420: Greenlighting another shitty DCEU movie

100731: Shouting sweet nothings across the street

283680: Bringing a "hunna stack" to the Dollar Store

55883: Headbutting Jeff Bridges

102144: Headbutting Steve Buscemi

838371: Headbutting John Goodman

A Few More Unused, Terrible Porn Names

If you're hard up for money and you live in the San Fernando Valley area, chances are you're gonna get into porn. So besides an 8x10 of your crotch, you'll need a catchy (however dumb) pornstar name. Here are a few terrible, unclaimed ones you can use:

HIM:

Freudian Slick

Haim Batman

Lou Hanging Fruit

Francis Scrote Key

Deepcok Choke-ya

Ernest Cummingway

HER:

Bridgit Spinner

Loose-ille Balls

Kass To Mouth

Taint Bernadette

Pyra Minx

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