Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Netflix This Month

Due to contract negotiations, the following movies and TV shows will be removed from Netflix this week:

• Guy Fieri Says Fuck It and Eats Healthy

• Startling Ferrets and Punching Old People

• CVS Pharmacy: After Dark

• Tony Robbins Presents Watch This And WIN You Big Winner!!!!!!!*    *Maybe

• Can't Hear A Goddamn Thing: The Fan Film Documentary

• Dick Pics from Famous Charleses

Due to periodic contract negotiations, the following movies and TV shows will be added to Netflix this week:

• The 1983 Invasion of Grenada: A Two Episode Documentary

• Fluffers: Behind The Scenes of Fabric Softener Manufacturing

• Booger Glue: How Mucilage Conquered An Industry and Captured The Imagination

• Let's Throw A Ham Through a Harp

Here Are Your Job Numbers For Jan. 7-11, 2019

Hey guys. Samantha here. You know the deal. Don't make me get up and hunt you down. Don't get on my bad side. Don't make me put down my coffee. Don't cross me sideways unless you want a size 10 heel up your wazoo, mister. Job numbers. Do them. Submit them to Accounting by 3pm or none of us will get paid:

28488: Burning the microwave popcorn

28488b: Claiming to like burnt microwave popcorn

86936: Flossing while "flossing"

50138: Work stuff

78934: Googling "pipe bomb" in Private mode

38199: Spitting on your dick at the urinal

200723: Washing that man right out of your hair

933567: Finding a toe ring that matches

422420: Greenlighting another shitty DCEU movie

100731: Shouting sweet nothings across the street

283680: Bringing a "hunna stack" to the Dollar Store

55883: Headbutting Jeff Bridges

102144: Headbutting Steve Buscemi

838371: Headbutting John Goodman