Burning Questions About Bootaa's 29" Velcro Dartboard Packaging

I was looking at the packaging for this velcro dartboard when I noticed this inset:

BAHAHAHAHAH What the shit is going on here?

• Why is it hanging outside on a tree?

• Why put it outside if the darts are safe velcro balls?

• Why is a 4 year old girl alone outside?

• Is the 4 year old being punished?

• Or does mommy and daddy just need some alone time upstairs?

• Why put so much effort into styling and curling her hair if you're just going to slap a hoodie on her?

• What kind of crap shot is that girl if she almost misses the target from 2 feet away?

• Is this Katniss Everdeen's origin story? (Okay, old reference. Sorry) 

Coming (Very Soon): The EADJ Crappinema Review of "KAW!"

Just in time for the iPhone iOS 7 and the "Breaking Bad" finale, EADJ is proud to announce the upcoming Crappinema review of "KAW!" starring Sean Patrick Flanery, Stephen McHattie and Rod Taylor.

In addition to this much anticipated review, for the first time, we have asked a third party to simultaneously contribute their review. Midtown correspondent and Toucan Cleric's Fun employee Tom Weingard has actually watched the darn thing, too, believe it or not, and has agreed to caption some screenshots!

We don't have a recent photo of Tom, but here is a rendering of his likeness in jelly beans:

Stay tuned for this Crappinema historical first in days to come!

Two More Rolly Wrap Converts

Wednesday was the initiation of both Lorraine and Beth into the Club of People Who Have Eaten the Rolly Wrap (current known members– about 4). The Rolly Wrap lunch was arranged after one girl's interest was piqued after reading the EADJ blog entry and the other one needed to get her mind off her crippling, relentless addiction to painkillers and black tar heroin.


Amazingly, Beth admitted to never having eaten at Old Bridge Deli in the year or so that she worked next door. Lorraine was amazed and enchanted at the upstairs dining area, which seriously features two zen fountains and two fully-equipped conference rooms (?!?!?!). Shit, I forgot to take a photo of those. Next time.

Here are Beth and Lorraine's reviews of their respective Rolly Wrap experiences:


Beth:

Despite the confusion over the appropriate pronunciation of "Rolly"(like the NC capital or rhymes with "poley"?), the result of my experience is clear: Rolly Wraps are soft, satisfying, satiating, and savory. Their turd-like appearance belies the gooey goodness within. I would recommend this doughy delight to friends and family. On the sprinach/squasage satisfaction scale, I'd give it two thrumbs up.


Lorraine:

The Rolly Wrap held true to its name, like a mini stromboli made personally for me. It was steaming hot, cheesy deliciousness that really hit the spot. Although I do think there could be a broader selection (such as a chicken cheesesteak Rolly Wrap), the hand held meal was a tasty mid-week treat. The only other thing that could have enhanced the experience would have been to book a conference room in advance to the right of the Zen garden for a more personal experience. One and a half thumbs up.

Love,
Lorraine

Their glowing write-ups, however, would stand for only a short time. About an hour after lunch, Beth sent this via IM:

---------

And on a follow up note, my stomach is now making noises that sound a lot like cookie monster slowly enunciating "rooooooollllllyyyyyy"

my stomach is acting adversely.
it's rejecting the rolly.
it's alternating nosies of "awwwooooogggaaaa" and "weeeeeee"

the problem is my nose is really stuffy
so i want to blow my noise
but i'm afraid that will set off a chain reaction of other things

---------

Beth would later report some difficulty in the ladies' room, describing the ordeal as "like pushing a potato through a kazoo*."

No complaints about gastric events were heard from Lorraine. Maybe because she was already lost in the intoxicating world of painkillers and black tar heroin.


*Her words, not mine.**

**Not really.

RELATED NOTE: Some crap blog named Midtown Lunch has published their own review of Rolly Wraps here. You'll see that it was dated 9/10/08, whereas EADJ's first posting of this delicacy was on August 20. Scoop scooped, motherfuckers!

ANOTHER RELATED NOTE: As promised, here is the exchange I had on Sept 25 with that random girl in line over how mesmerizing the Rolly Wrap making process was.



I didn't mean to creepily point the camera at her toes. Just wanted to record audio.

Feet Fay Fick Foel

In an ongoing effort to keep his weight off, Joel has requested all potential dick-eatees to not slather their dicks in gravy or ranch dressing.

"It's very thoughtful of you fellas to add a little something to the mix, and I do appreciate the gesture," Joel said in a booth in a Bob Evans off the freeway, "But a man's gotta keep his figure down, and too many fatty condiments add up. Especially when I'm eating like 800 in one sitting, BURP."

Since 2003, Joel has lost a total 48 lbs. and is now at a very agile 130 lbs. 132 if he has two dicks in his mouth.

In response to Joel's new request, many local eateries and grocery stores are now offering a "No Trans Fat" version of a popular lime tequila dick eating sauce.

(pictured above, Al Roker has the unmitigated Andrew GALL to tell people to eat healthier when all he did was cheat via gastric bypass surgery)