This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

The worst part about eating at a diner counter with your friends is you can't talk about how to divide the bill.

Grab your dick. Point at your dick. Straddle a building upside down to simulate a dick. Dick dick dick dick dick.

If a dictator ever seized control of a country and then sat for a formal portrait done by a four year old, this is what it would look like.

Kid Cudi tries to fuck the moon but realizes it's that time of the month again.

SOMETIMES GRUNGE TYPE DARES YOU TO READ IT

Nobody at the DMVcares if you cheat on the written exam. Which is why the Horseshoe Gang are all qualified to drive 18-wheeler trucks.

If a green pimp car stalls in a forest and Project Pat tries to bribe someone to drive him home, will it make a sound?

[insert comment here once I've gained my ability to speak]

Urban Tumbleweed

Weave + Wind = Western Music

Ahhhhhhh.

I'm riding the southbound 1 train to Penn Station last week, and I notice that the guy I'm standing next to is standing near a puddle.


I start to tell him to watch out for the wet, but then I realize he's PISSING IN HIS PANTS. "Normal looking" guy just fucking pissing in his dark track pants.


Also, he stepped on a string which stuck to the bottom of his shoe. Now THAT'S gotta be embarrassing! Am I right?



Pee pee.

What Smells Like Lighter Fluid?

Pictured above, the wine equivalent of a skull and crossbones.

Stay Classy, NYC.

Spotted yesterday on 45th and 3rd Ave, some guy flossing his teeth while on the phone.




I mean, hang up if you're gonna floss your teeth on the sidewalk. So rude!

Seriously Nast-a-roni.

Monday morning, I came across a ginormous roach in the hallway. Again. I took a photo with my watch, you know, for scale:


Regular EADJ readers may find this photo very familiar. That's because an almost identical picture was posted in a November entry.


That is not the same roach, but shit, it actually seems BIGGER. Which begs some seriously disturbing questions:

1) What the fuck?
2) We're on the 23rd Floor of this building. How can roaches this huge thrive up here?
3) Roaches only thrive where there's a lot of food waste. Is someone hoarding food in their office?
4) How dirty is my watch now?

A Bold New EADJ Segment: What Matt Thinks

Eat A Dick Joel is proud to present a new regular series for 2008, What Matt Thinks. Enjoy.



Later, via IM:

Deck the Halls with Boughs of Stale, Substandard Calzones

Eat a Dick, Joel! Eat a Dick, everyone!