An Open Discussion, Part II

Earlier last week, we thought we spotted HGTV star Christina El Moussa modeling in a shitty catalog. After careful review, we have decided that this is NOT the former "Flip or Flop" host. Why? MOLES.

Here we found the shitty catalog online and pulled up the item based on the catalog number. A closeup of the model indicates that she has 2 or 3 prominent birthmarks on her neck.

We hired Los Angeles's top forensics specialists to examine the catalog photo and compare it a photo of El Moussa, and they said it was conclusive that El Moussa does not have any neck moles and therefore cannot be the woman in the floral top page of the catalog.

This concludes the Open Discussion and closes the nonexistent debate forever. Amen.

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

The worst part about eating at a diner counter with your friends is you can't talk about how to divide the bill.

Grab your dick. Point at your dick. Straddle a building upside down to simulate a dick. Dick dick dick dick dick.

If a dictator ever seized control of a country and then sat for a formal portrait done by a four year old, this is what it would look like.

Kid Cudi tries to fuck the moon but realizes it's that time of the month again.

SOMETIMES GRUNGE TYPE DARES YOU TO READ IT

Nobody at the DMVcares if you cheat on the written exam. Which is why the Horseshoe Gang are all qualified to drive 18-wheeler trucks.

If a green pimp car stalls in a forest and Project Pat tries to bribe someone to drive him home, will it make a sound?

[insert comment here once I've gained my ability to speak]

What Recession? What Financial Crisis?

Pictured below, a place for honest, hardworking people to spend their paychecks to provide for their grateful, deserving children.

An Imagined Conversation

"Wanna cig?"
"Sure, thanks. Don't mind if I do."
"I got a lighter here somewhere..."
"No, wait. You can't smoke in here."
"Why not?"
"See the sign? It says no smoking. That an alarm will sound if we do."
"No, that's not what it says at all. It says that no smoking alarm will sound if we smoke. So it's cool."
"Well, if that were so, the word 'alarm' would be on the same line as 'smoking.'"
"There! I found my lighter!"
"Yeah, I don't think we should smoke in here."
"You're totally reading into that sign. It says it's cool to smoke and not to worry, no smoking alarm will sound if we do smoke."
"Why would they put up a sign that says 'it's cool to smoke?' Wouldn't they more likely put up a sign that says 'no smoking?' And what the hell is a smoking alarm?"
"A smoking alarm is what goes off if you're smoking where you shouldn't. Which is what they're assuring us will NOT go off if we smoke here."
"I don't mean to overthink this..."
"I think you are."
"...but wouldn't they just put a sign that says 'SMOKING PERMITTED?'"
"What if they couldn't spell the word 'permitted?'"
"Yeah, I guess you're right."

*casually lights cigarette*
**** ALARM SOUNDS ****