This Week's Least Popular Hashtags on Xitter

Elon Musk's social media platform is now overrun by white supremacists, anti-democratic foreign troll farms and miserable far right shitposters. But there's also a dark side.

This platform is so overridden by negativity that certain hashtags have sharply fallen in usage. Here are some of them:

#diversity

#equity

#inclusion

#commonsense

#common_sense

#notbeingapieceofshitisagoodthing

#myfavoriteMayaAngelouquotes

#nosupportingourfuckingracistasspresident

#takingastepbackandthinkingaboutwhywomendontwanttofuckme

Good Financial Call.

You know, after careful consideration, I think my personal library could stand to break out of its rigid 'hardcover only' policy and accept the occasional paperback onto its shelves.

In this one case, at the very least.

Gettin Paid in 2025

Pictured below, former meme guy from 2010 parlays his internet fame into a suitable endorsement deal.

 

Get that bag, Antoine!

My Bad.

As a kid, I had always assumed the traffic light in Mr. Rogers's house was stolen.

UAG

Guess Who Was Spotted in the Latest Episode of South Park

Well, well, well. It appears after three years and no updates, the Shorter Fatter Version of Scott Peterson has decided to appear and join South Park's Season 28 Episode 4 "Turkey Trot".

Welcome back, Mr. Wood!

Newest Guests Added to VidCon 2025 in Savannah, Georgia

VidCon is back and with it a slew of influencers, podcasters and online personalities, all eager to meet and greet their followers. Here are the latest guests added to the live event:

• Conte crayon master SMEARNOFF will create a live portrait of actress Jennifer Lawrence, who will not be attending

• Jack Dorsey launches a rebooted version of Vine, will speak for 8 seconds

• The guy who animates Cocomelon content will speak about his close relationship with Satan

• Former fiancees and influencers Catherine Wilkes-Haggarty and Gumble Ranceforth Distinguish will reunite briefly for a shared branded content video before never speaking to each other again

• That French chef that makes everything out of chocolate will carve a bust of every single attendee to VidCon. You laugh, but that motherfucker can do it.

EADJ Fashion Round-Up

Wearing the brand colors of Dunkin to order at Dunkin certainly is a choice.

Like muddah, like daughta. Like a J. Crew pajama catalog.

I hate when people take their shoes off on planes. So this is weird but acceptable.

If there's a biker bar in Scotland, I think I found their bartender.

Imagine minding your own business, trying to get a bagel and some asshole takes a photo of you in your pee dot sweatpants.

Because she works at the register, this lady at Burlington got first dibs on the coffee stain silk blouse.

The ProofrEADJer: Mid August Edition

Shark... Terror?

The movie poster is out for the low budget Asylum flick Shark Terror (2025) directed by Mario N. Bonassin and starring Michael Paré, Sarah Lieving, Carly Medina, and Javier Duran. And it is odd. Odd that instead of showing the eponymous terror in the presence of a shark, the photographer got Carly Medina to look... annoyed?

"Give me... They lost my luggage!"

"Give me... I can't believe they invited Cody to the party knowing I was going to be here!"

"Give me... Excuse me, I specifically asked for NO CASHEWS in my salad."

"Give me... You're whipping it out on our second date?!"

"Give me... CVS won't honor Walgreens coupons? Since when?"

"Give me... My mother in law wants to name the baby?"

"Give me... Tariffs are a tax that consumers ultimately pay?"

UAG

Well, That Is Concerning...

Spotted whilst waiting for the Lyft driver to arrive:

"Hello! Are you No?"

C'mon Now, Guys

 Spotted on a Ticket app, an ad for a COVER TRIBUTE BAND:

C'mon now, guys. Every fan (and many non-fans) knows they're just EAGLES. There's no THE.

This makes me suspect you're not a very detail-oriented cover band. Like you're going to sing about "warm smell of cellulitis" in Hotel California or accidentally start singing Haim's "The Wire" at the start of "Heartache Tonight". Amirite, people?

The ProofrEADJer: Early August Edition

Upcoming Exhibitors at the 2025 Consumer Electronics Show in Van Nuys, CA

Electronics manufacturers are flocking to the Van Nuys Convention Center next week to show off their newest consumer products. Attendees have been lining up since last week in anticipation of these groundbreaking reveals. Here are a few of the showstopping new releases that have most people excited:

• A wire-free soup warmer you can wear as a hat

• Staple removers that can give you an orgasm, even if it's usually difficult for you to achieve one

• A very jealous voice assistant that constantly accuses you of loving Tanya more

• Efficient washing machines that run on clean energy and a small cup of your newborn's blood plasma

• A new Android app that absolutely refuses to chop your dick off, no matter how likely it seems

• A laminating machine designed for the home office that won't stop talking about Slow Horses spoilers

• Subscription based kevlar jackets

Burning Questions For the Micro Maidens

I saw an ad for the Micro Maidens The Showcase burlesque show, featuring an ensemble of 8 dwarf exotic dancers. "The world's only Micro Female Revue – tiny in size, colossal in spectacle!"

Over each of the Micro Maiden's head is their height, I guess to prove that they're dwarfs and not just scrunched down or doing that Dorf thing.

But over one—no, over the tallest—maiden's head, they show she's 4'12". Now, I haven't been in middle school in decades, but isn't 4'12" the same as 5'00"?

I went on their official website to learn more about these Maidens, and there she is—Summer, in her towering glory!

I know some women make fun of men for not being tall enough, and I certainly don't want to be a man picking on Summer for being too tall in a show that promises dwarf dancers, but you can't just change how measurements work so that you can fit in. If you're going to do that, why not just list it as 3'24"?

That means I am 10'-50" tall. I like the sound of that!

When You're Out of Ideas, Just Reboot Something

New Jersey Can't Star Wars.

A post from the Maplewood, New Jersey Department of Community Services on May the fourth:

Just rolls of the tongue, right?

And here's a program for the Newark Performing Arts Center:

Wait, something looks off here...

That artwork is clearly Anakin and Obi Wan fighting on the lava planet Mustafar, which happened in Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, not Star Wars: Episode VI: Return of the Jedi.

C'mon New Jersey! Get it right.

I Don't Get It

If you buy groceries on Amazon, sometimes they come in nicely packed Amazon bags sitting in a row on your front porch, and sometimes...

#Raguinabox

Gee Thanks, Marvel

Oh, so Marvel is just using the likenesses of the Netflix actors for Kingpin and Daredevil now? Okay. 🤷

So You're NOT Going Biking?

You know what they say, wear a menopausal helmet, get menopausal helmet hair.

Former First Lady Side Hustle

Michelle Obama, headphone model?

This Week in CBS FBI Shows

The following are this week's episode summaries for FBI, FBI: International and FBI: Most Wanted, all airing on CBS:

FBI

S12E06 "Blankenship"

Casey comes to a decision. Mallory and Jake make an uneasy alliance. Director Spender puts the kibosh on casual Fridays after the khakis incident.

FBI: International

S08E02 "El Niño and the Panini"

Assistant Director Cortez confronts Teasdale and Anyango over their "overzealous" arrest of the drug mule. Shaya tries a Four Loko in the Evidence Room. Somebody accidentally shoots out the TV during a Powerpoint presentation.

FBI: Most Wanted

S02E04 "What You Leave Behind is Not What is Engraved in Stone Monuments, But What is Woven Into the Lives of Others"

Kurtis and Samantha break up during the Ivanov raid. An animatronic clown tells Special Agent Norris's darkest secrets. The internship program is canceled when everyone's AirPods go missing.

Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Seen

"Stop squirming, centipede! Wait till I get my hands around your tiny, stupid throat!"

"Who was the lovely lady who left this glass Croc at the ball?"

"That is NOT how you make a Jameson on the rocks!"

"Duuuuude!" (a mind-blowing callback to both Dude Bro Party Massacre I and II)

"I'm 15, Mom. Can't I just babysit myself while you're gone?"

"No. And your uncle is already on his way."