The following projects have successfully met their crowdfunding goals for this week on Kickstarter:
• A kitchen device that 3D prints and cooks lasagna that also nags its adult children why they aren't married yet
• A dog-whistle dog whistle that only racist dogs can hear
• Cargo pants that can hold a laptop, an iPad, two Xbox controllers and seven of Mom's White Claws stolen from the fridge
• A smooth, tapered podcast microphone that conservative podcast bros can shove up their ass
• A web-enabled rosary that posts a tweet every time you say a Hail Mary or an Our Father
