This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Man, these LEGO sets for grown ups are getting pretty sophisticated.

Did you know Onyx was still around? They're not.

"Parental Advisory: Explicit Content". Just in case the cartoon ho's (at a piano?) and the bloody cartoon corpses in trash bags didn't tip you off.

This reminded me to order some more postage stamps.

The man behind all the hits you never heard of. Nice to finally be recognized.

Designer vinyl figures are all the rage. This one goes for the price of your house.

If nothing but a rapper's chains are on the album cover, it's pretty much a guarantee that every song on there is gonna be about that guy's gold.

Wait! No, not the vintage camcorder!

My new backsplash.

Yeah, I bet he'd float, no problem.

I like this, mainly because it's actually painted and not a lazy Photoshop. Yeah, I know that's a low bar.

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

😔

Feature Films To Be Released Based on Characters On the Side of a Burger King Bag

Now creatively bankrupt for years, Hollywood continues to scrape every corner of the globe for some idea, any idea to build a movie off of. Here are the latest movie pitches based on the side of a BK bag that the movie studios are scrapping over:

"Hamburger" starring Rebel Wilson.

Attitude, hold the pickle! Rebel Wilson bursts with flavor in this ribald comedy about two rival burger joints that will do ANYTHING to serve up her spicy brand of sass. Also starring Danny Pudi as the branch manager.

"Fries" starring Alyson Hannigan, Keke Palmer, Bobby Moynihan, David Boreanz, Ben Schwartz, Anthony Anderson, and Kat Dennings. This wacky group of 7 play ONE character in Fries, the eccentric, goofy and sometimes a little clumsy wild card. Catch all the pop culture references that your kids won't when you watch this hilarious 3-hour comedy romp!

"King Jr" starring Daniel Kaluuya

(Due to a terrible mixup that exposes the lazy, racial bias in Hollywood, this movie was mistakenly marketed as a Martin Luther King, Jr. biography when in fact it was written as a wacky animated crown that likes to have fun and do things their way. We apologize.)

"Apple" starring Meg Ryan

Breaking out for a comeback after three years out of the spotlight, Meg Ryan plays a cutie pie apple with the help of pounds of prosthetics and talented director Edgar Wright. Is it a vehicle for Ryan's trip to Oscar? Can Meg Ryan make you cry as an apple? Catch "Apple" in theaters in November to find out!

"Drink" starring Kellie Marie Tran

Plot details of this one are under wraps, but TMZ and some fan blogs have speculated that Kellie Marie Tran gender bends the role as Drink and puts her own twist on the beloved, barely introduced character! Thanks to motion capture and the talents of DreamWorks Animation, Drink will fill your heart (and bladder) with joy! Rated R for explicit language.

"Nugget" starring Brendan Fraser.

Brendan Fraser is no stranger to playing the dimwitted but lovable goofball, and this role is right up his alley! Nugget takes a journey out of Burger King, back to the chicken farm he was from to find his mother. Little does the dullard realize that he's been extruded from her butchered, liquefied parts and she is long dead. Amazing!

Here Are Your Job Numbers For The Week of Sept 21-25

Hello all. This is Gary Helmwell from Mebane, NC. I'm an old college friend of your CEO James Sinper, or as we. used to call him, "Snipper" LOL. Since James has started his sentence in Federal prison for the thing he did (which he still denies), he neglected to inform anyone except me that job numbers are required for all you employees to fill out timesheets in order to get paid. Now, why would he tell me that and not someone on staff? Snipper be crazy like that, I guess LOL. Anyhoo, here are the job numbers you'll need.

83009: Explaining the difference between Spanish and Portuguese to a tourist

21312: Fetching the smelling salts, posthaste

44821: Watching someone play Skitch on the Switch on Twitch

02944: Suffering

73242: Getting over yourself

90017: Acc-ent-uating the positive

83533: "Doing my own research" about Covid

21776: Speed-reading the Kama Sutra

61399: How we do

05244: Apologizing for your crazy sister

Where Are They Now? An Experimental New Segment for EADJ

After winning the coveted Runner Up place on "The Masked Singer", Demi Baguette managed to parlay her brief appearance on the show into a viral web series which was briefly picked up on the Vessel, Milk Video, Comcast Watchable, Verizon's Go90, and Quibi streaming platforms before they all went belly up. Demi Baguette now has a very popular Twitch streaming show where she plays her own BAGUETTE shooter game and comments on her frequent victories.

After graduating from the Kelley School of Business in Bloomington, Indiana, Julienne Pork relocated to the central business district of Cleveland, Ohio to run weekly seminars for tech startups in the area who needed some expertise in scaling up to a national model. Julienne Pork lives in the quiet suburb of Bay Village just west of Cleveland with her two gorillas and daughter.

After his heavy metal band broke up in 1996, Strut Hanger enjoyed fame as a spokesmodel for a California-based apron company and then started his own photography business after tripping over a disposable camera. Strut is now the official documenter and photographer for all of actor Kevin Klein's social media accounts.

Safety Precautions To Take During The Pandemic, Sponsored by Utz

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And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Restore A Cast-Iron Skillet

Cooking in cast-iron cookware has taken off in kitchens across the country for some very simple reasons: it's versatile on almost any cooking surface (stovetop, oven, grill, even an open fire), the more you use it the better it performs (over time, it will build a natural non-stick surface), and it lasts forever if properly cared for. Occasionally, though, your skillet might require a full restoration, especially if rust is present. Here's how to fully recondition a cast-iron skillet before use:

1) Remove all the rust with some fine steel wool. Scour the skillet until you see the raw cast iron.

2) Wash the skillet thoroughly with warm water and some mild dish soap. Scrub with a sponge if needed.

3) Dry thoroughly with a dish towel.

4) Cover the pan with a coating of vegetable oil to the entire skillet, including the bottom and the handle.

5) Place the pan upside down in the oven on the top rack. Place a sheet of aluminum foil on the bottom rack to catch any oil drips. Heat the cast iron for one hour at 350 degrees.

6) Let the pan cool before using. Now you're ready!

And speaking of ready, if you ever call my limo service and want me to pick you up at 7pm, please be ready to leave at that time. Any waiting times over 10 minutes get a surcharge. My drivers and my time is valuable, too. It's only fair! Be safe kids.

Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Watched

"We got a red notice in the mail, Pa."

"Is that a good or bad thing?"

"I dunno. Should we shoot it?"

"...And even though I'm only 11,  I managed to play Cupid and get my Mom to start dating Jabian, even though I knew in advance that he had herpes which he could spread to her."

"Oh, I didn't mention. I'm actually triplets."

"Emanuelle, why are you using the men's bathroom?"

(in unconvincing southern accent) "Well, lemme tell you, I was the talk of the bridge club that day. But with a little southern charm and a positive attitude, I was run out of town on my ear in less than a week!"

"It's your turn to mow the yard."

"Shit."

UAG

Is this an ironic post? An unironic post? Who cares?

A Racist Appliances Quick Take

 Other, more fleshed out Racist Appliances entries can be found here.

Edit: Okay, okay. Apparently I made the exact same joke here, and it was only LAST YEAR that I did it.

I'll let it stand just for the hell of it, but trust we will start QUALITY CONTROLLING this blog again sometime in the near future. Apologies.

Swimming Trunks Was Happy

Swimming Trunks was happy.

Soda Can Top showed off his new afro.

Power Strip was scandalized.

Church Door celebrated both Christmas and dia de los Muertos.

And Crawl Space had a HIDDEN GUEST. TUN TUN TUUUUUUUN!

Yes. It Is Somehow Time Again To Say Goodbye To All The Crap That Marketers Want You To Say Goodbye To

GOODBYE! Goodbye! So long! *waves goodbye*

A Musical Entry

♫ Summit, Summit, Summit Thai... ♫ 

This name tag for an "Alba" at Subway= Albaway

♫ When somebody loves you, it's no good unless he loves you... Albaway ♫

♫ Total Wine... love isn't always on time... ♫