Feature Films To Be Released Based on Characters On the Side of a Burger King Bag

Now creatively bankrupt for years, Hollywood continues to scrape every corner of the globe for some idea, any idea to build a movie off of. Here are the latest movie pitches based on the side of a BK bag that the movie studios are scrapping over:

"Hamburger" starring Rebel Wilson.

Attitude, hold the pickle! Rebel Wilson bursts with flavor in this ribald comedy about two rival burger joints that will do ANYTHING to serve up her spicy brand of sass. Also starring Danny Pudi as the branch manager.

"Fries" starring Alyson Hannigan, Keke Palmer, Bobby Moynihan, David Boreanz, Ben Schwartz, Anthony Anderson, and Kat Dennings. This wacky group of 7 play ONE character in Fries, the eccentric, goofy and sometimes a little clumsy wild card. Catch all the pop culture references that your kids won't when you watch this hilarious 3-hour comedy romp!

"King Jr" starring Daniel Kaluuya

(Due to a terrible mixup that exposes the lazy, racial bias in Hollywood, this movie was mistakenly marketed as a Martin Luther King, Jr. biography when in fact it was written as a wacky animated crown that likes to have fun and do things their way. We apologize.)

"Apple" starring Meg Ryan

Breaking out for a comeback after three years out of the spotlight, Meg Ryan plays a cutie pie apple with the help of pounds of prosthetics and talented director Edgar Wright. Is it a vehicle for Ryan's trip to Oscar? Can Meg Ryan make you cry as an apple? Catch "Apple" in theaters in November to find out!

"Drink" starring Kellie Marie Tran

Plot details of this one are under wraps, but TMZ and some fan blogs have speculated that Kellie Marie Tran gender bends the role as Drink and puts her own twist on the beloved, barely introduced character! Thanks to motion capture and the talents of DreamWorks Animation, Drink will fill your heart (and bladder) with joy! Rated R for explicit language.

"Nugget" starring Brendan Fraser.

Brendan Fraser is no stranger to playing the dimwitted but lovable goofball, and this role is right up his alley! Nugget takes a journey out of Burger King, back to the chicken farm he was from to find his mother. Little does the dullard realize that he's been extruded from her butchered, liquefied parts and she is long dead. Amazing!