Thursday, October 12, 2017

Some X-Men Ideas Based On A Building Safety Notice


Overlong setup:

20th Century Fox has the rights to all X-Men films. The problem is, the immensely successful "Logan" killed off all the X-Men, along with Logan himself and Professor X. And although the Deadpool franchise is going to continue being a box office smash, 20th Century Fox desperately needs ideas for new X-Men. Desperate for some new superheroes, their writers turned to a building safety notice on the corner of 16th and Park in New York City. Here now are six upcoming X-Men movie ideas:


"The Derby" starring Ansel Elgort. Elgort is an assistant at a high end haberdashery who witnesses a robbery and puts on a prototype derby hat that can FIGHT CRIME! Directed by Corey Yuen, The evil Men's Wearhouse owner is played by Peter Stormare in a fake beard.


"G@@gles" starring Chris O' Neal and Derek Luke. A rising ophthalmologist in Chicago gets bitten by a contaminated fly and gains super vision, enhanced even more by his new powerful goggles invention. He FIGHTS CRIME with his newfound talents. Derek Luke plays the turned-evil optometrist with a laser pointer.


"X-Vest" starring Johnny Galecki, Mark Jackson, and Lily Collins. Johnny Galecki plays a pickpocket who accidentally steals an experimental vest from a NASA base. The vest triggers his mutant power of super strength and effortless directing of traffic. Voila: X-Vest!


"White Boot, Invisible Boot" starring Rosa Salazar, Hope Davis and Richard Gere. A young employee at a shoe store discovers two mismatched alien boots. The boots are radioactive and enhance her mutant abilities for super speed, super leg strength and the ability to WORK IT.


"White Glove, Invisible Glove" starring Dane DeHaan. Same shit as above but with gloves.


"I Don' Wanna Hear It" starring Daniel Dae Kim, Ana de Armas and Chris Pine. Daniel Dae Kim plays a cosmic being from another universe whose extraordinary hearing is aided by a pair of magical headphones to hear crime being committed. Chris Pine plays the villainous manager of HEAR Music.


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