Thursday, October 30, 2014

Hollywood Movie Ideas Based On A Sake Menu

If you haven't already read in this blog by now, Hollywood is plum out of original ideas for movies. In desperation, they've often turned to many unlikely sources of inspiration.

This week, E! Networks reported that the major studios have pillaged the chalkboard sake menu of an unnamed Asian eatery in Midtown, New York City.


"Perfect Snow"
starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Emily Blunt
A winter romance set in the idyllic Northeast. Gordon-Levitt plays a terminally ill toll collector who falls in love with a trucker (Blunt) who refuses to pay the $1.50 to cross a bridge to Maine. Cinematography by the guy who shot "Walk of the Penguins."

"Takara Sierra: Chill and Light"
starring Eric Stoltz and John C. Reilly
Part buddy road film, part Wes Anderson wank-fest, this film follows the travels of two full-grown trust fund kids trying to "find their way" by biking through the backroads of rural Japan while hiding from evil Japanese assassins/marketers.

"Kinsen"
starring Haywood Nelson, directed by Quentin Tarantino
Kinsen (Nelson from "What's Happening" fame) stumbles upon a huge box full of deeds to properties all around his hometown and becomes southern Cleveland's newest real estate mogul. Believe me, it's a lot cooler than it sounds. Soundtrack includes tracks by ELO, Jade Warrior, Nena, and Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels.

"Tokubutse"
featuring the voices of Jeff Daniels, Edward Furlong, Candace Swanepoel, Jeremy Irons, and Miley Cyrus
This charming cell-animated fantasy from Studio Ghibli (Spirited Away, My Neighbor Totoro) follows the story of a princely weevil Tokubutse (Furlong) looking for his lost parents (Daniels, Swanepoel  and encounters some overly hygienic woodland animals (Cyrus, Irons) who want to exterminate him because of his appearance.

"Born Gold"
starring Kristen Schaal and Michael J. Fox
Two likable con artists (Schaal and Fox) cheat millions of dollars out of the bank accounts of unsuspecting marks. Those dumb suckers!

"Junmai Daiginjo"
starring Bokeem Woodbine, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Djimon Honsou, and Idris Elba
Four guys sit around watching TV and order a pizza.

"Hot House"
starring Charlize Theron, Emily Ratajkowski, and Jennifer Lawrence
Three sexy gardeners sweat it out in the company greenhouse while their prudish, cranky boss (Carrie Fisher) curses them out for wearing such skimpy outfits. The nerve!

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