Hollywood Is Getting Desperate.

Anyone who's seen the trailer for the upcoming "Battleship" movie can tell that Hollywood is seriously running out of ideas when they're greenlighting entire films based on board games. After mining every old TV series, comic book, toy, cereal, video game, and theme park ride for movie ideas, it comes as no surprise that movie studios have now turned to the next hot property for movie rights: the coffee flavors in my office's break room.


Here's a sampling of what's coming to theatres:


"Jet Fuel"
Climb aboard this comedic 3D romp as three dumb astronauts (Jim Carrey, Kevin James and Rob Schneider) blast off to become Saturn's first inhabitants. Also starring Michael Clarke Duncan as NASA's embarrassed administrator and Antonio Banderas and Michelle Rodriguez as the "Coffee People." Rated PG-13 for lewd humor, sexual situations and poop and fart jokes.


"Dark Magic"
Scott Caan, Christian Slater, Kevin Dillon, Taylor Lautner and Colin Farrell play a tough young street gang who meet a wise old magician (Anthony Hopkins) and learn the ways of black magic to beat all of their rival gangs. It's "The Lost Boys" meets "The Outsiders" meets "West Side Story" in this deep, dark, spellbinding adventure. Also starring Minka Kelly because she's pretty. Rated PG-13 for violence that's not gory but something you wouldn't want your kids to try on each other.


"Kenyan AA"
Djimon Hounsou portrays a troubled cab driver in Nairobi who tries to overcome his alcoholism, thanks to the big heart of a visiting businessman (Stellan Skarsgård) in this inspirational story of triumph and the human spirit "with a sparkling finish." Special appearance by President Barack Obama. Rated PG for language and some drug and cigarette use.


"Sumatran Reserve"
Martha (Patricia Clarkson), a biochemist, travels to the deep jungles of Southeast Asia to find a cure for lupus. Her scrappy, uncultured tour guide Jambi (Danny Pudi) proves to both try her patience and stimulate her loins... Rated R for ribald comedy and sexual situations involving a yak.


"Kenya Kilimandjaro," a.k.a. "Can Ya Kill A Man, Jaro?"
Jaro Muthermunn (Jason Statham), one of the world's deadliest big game hunters, returns from self-imposed exile after his mentor, Corsé (Sylvester Stallone) is captured at the base of Mount Kilimandjaro. Jaro reassembles his former team of skilled huntsmen to launch a rescue mission, and also to destroy the nearby drug farm, run by the evil Dark Roast (Terry Crews). Rated R for graphic violence and Jason Statham.