Here's A Brief List of Things You Can Be Expected To Applaud For At Any Comedy Club

• the incredible and hardworking waitstaff

• how nice the venue looks

• the presenter

• "The Ladies"

• the fact that you're "having a good time"

• that it's the comedian's birthday

• that the comedian has a new baby

• any mention of New York

• any mention of the West Coast

• being single

• being married

• the mention of beer

• the mention of pot

• how handsome Ryan Gosling is

• how strong your drinks are

• Columbus Day

• the enduring popularity of McDonald's food

• how fucking feels good

• our men and women in uniform

• how cool dogs are

• liking big butts

• the Golden Corral

• reversible windows

• the death of "Clippy"

• cosplay

• roma tomatoes

• the end of slavery

• fart spray

• Ron Perlman

• cloth napkins kicking ass

• keg stands

• drinking from a beer boot

• oscilloscopes

• the concept of humility

• Cameron Diaz' film career

• female directors

• USB hubs

• the apostle Peter

• Overstock.com

• fleshlights

• parting your hair on the right