"Hi, kids. I'm Sgt. Troy Sessman. This here is Toby. Toby is a three year veteran of the San Fernando Police Department. Did you know he is an actual police officer? He specializes in drug detection and the apprehending of suspects. Let's go to work, Toby!"
"Woof woof woof woof!"
"What's that, Toby? 'Lose your hang-ups, find your calling?' Gee, could there be more phone puns on one poster? That sounds like an awful movie. Go get 'em, boy."
*Toby leaps up, grabs the movie poster writer by the throat, and shakes*
"Woof woof, woof woof woof woof woof woof!"
"I know, Toby, Subway does tend to use a lot of puns. They can't get away with it. Let's remind them who's in charge on this street!"
*Toby bites the Subway manager by the crotch and pulls and pulls and pulls*
"Woof woof woof!"
"'Animal Practice: It's quite an operation.' How lazy. Right, Toby?"
*Toby urinates on the poster, then smells the base of a nearby tree*
"Woof woof! Woof woof! Woof?"
"You're right, Toby. Technically, nobody is really losing weight here per se, so that terrible pun doesn't even work. Go get 'em!"
*Toby grabs the girdle and rips it open until the lady's fat flabs burst out like syrup over pancakes*
"Groaaaaaan."
"Groaaaaaan."
*Toby puts both paws over eyes like they do in stupid comedies with dogs in it*
"Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!"
"One thing that Toby is trained in is enduring conditions that humans normally couldn't handle and deal with the problem. Like this drink cooler in Old Navy. Truly awful."
*Toby trips Old Navy manager and starts humping one of his eye sockets*
This one submitted by Andrew Gall:
"Woof, woof! Woof woof woof, woof!"
"'We're In Tents.' Not only their slogan, but their URL. Pretty ballsy of American Rental, Inc. Do it to it, Toby!"
*Toby grabs their balls and rips them out, and brings them to Sgt. Troy Sessman*
"Good boy, Toby!"
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