Ever since I was a little kid, Kix Cereal, your box has grabbed my attention with wacky, fun looking lettering and bright colors, promising a fun and sugar-filled Saturday morning. WRONG.
Let me just say that there is NOTHING fun about you as a cereal. Kix is basically Trix with all the coloring and sugar sapped out of it: small, beige round pieces that aren't even big enough to make a satisfying crunch. I'm sure this is the shit they palm off on the Trix Rabbit whenever he comes round Jonesing for the good stuff.
"Kid-Tested, Mother Approved" is the slogan they've been touting for decades. Notice they never said "Kid-Approved" or "Kid-Appreciated." Instead, they "tested" this stuff on kids like they're guinea pigs in some insidious government experiment about the opposite of fun. And for those of you who like your boring with berry taste, try new Berry Berry Kix! It's the same amount of disappointment and ennui-in-a-bowl, but with the faint flavor of berry to further frustrate you!
Kix, go to hell and suck m'balls.
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