Now, maybe right off the bat some of you might not recognize these two ditties by their title. But believe us, you've heard these songs before- and many times, my friends. If you've ever watched a movie starring Meg Ryan or Sandra Bullock or waited more than ten minutes at a dentist's waiting room, you've heard these bad boys. They're both pint glasses of warm, non-alcoholic beer served with a wedge of lime and an enormous turd as a stirrer. Oh, and with a girlie cocktail umbrella.
"Name" and "Iris" are perfect fodder for those Lite FM stations that offer a musical "pick me up" without getting too "rocky." You know, something to get your foot tapping without conjuring the "devil horns," because Janice two cubes over would be disturbed.
I don't know the names of the members in the Goo Goo Dolls, and I don't care enough to Wikipedia them. So let's just call them Jeff, Mark, and Ted. These three gentlemen were average rockers back in the day until some movie studio put one of their softer songs on a soundtrack. They watched that song shoot up the chart and decided to devote the rest of their career to manufacturing chick-flick songs just like that. "Name" and "Iris" were either one of those soundtrack songs or one of the songs that came after, but as I said, I AM NOT GOING TO WIKIPEDIA THEM.
"Name" is a frustratingly average song. It has swaying acoustic guitar riffs that almost kick in every once in a while, but instead of really rocking out, it just goes from a limp to a trot.
Lyrics:
Scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there
Did you get to be a star
And don't it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are
Fucking piss-pot. If lyrics like that don't make you want to go on a slapping spree at the local mall, I don't know what will.
Now, "Iris" is so menacingly awful one envies the deaf. Here again are the plodding acoustic guitar chords and a little touch of string orchestration, but then Mark starts howling the chorus:
I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Click here to experience something worse than Fred Durst.
You can see why we decided to present both of these as a set. For the same reasons that National Lampoon's Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj can be seen bundled with National Lampoon's Boat Trip 2.
So today we retire both "Iris" and "Name" from ever slapping their limp dicks against our eardrums ever again. And we pass the baton of "shitty pussy soundtrack songmaker" over to Five For Fighting and The Fray. You found me...you found me...
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