Homemade Adventure.

Joel always likes to try new things (except for dick), so he tried his hand at alpaca breeding after seeing a late night commercial. He thought he could save money on sweaters and meat.

What he didn't know was how much space, time, and effort it would take to get a proper alpaca farm off the ground.

Alpaca Fun Fact: When alpacas breed, males make a noise called an "orgle". This is thought to possibly stimulate ovulation in the female!

What started out as a hobby became a terrible burden on Joel's time. Joel realized he didn't have enough space in his 2 bedroom apartment for traditional pasture breeding, and once he set up the pens in the kitchen and living room, he didn't anticipate that Butternut, his alpaca stud, would be more aggressive in enclosed spaces.

Alpaca Fun Fact: Alpacas and llamas differ in that alpacas have straight ears and llamas have banana-shaped ears!

So after enlarging the main pen, the pantry and the laundry room were unreachable. And Butternut was getting so aggressive that he had advanced on many females who weren't ready to breed yet. Joel had to treat the females before infection could render them infertile.

Alpaca Fun Fact: When alpacas "spit," it's actually acidic stomach contents (generally a green grassy mix)!


Joel had also neglected to maintain the alpacas' communal dung pile, which they create in a corner to separate from their grazing. The pile had started to touch Joel's XBox 360, which he hadn't been able to play since Butternut had eaten the controller.

Alpaca Fun Fact: When male alpacas fight they also scream a warbling bird-like cry, presumably intended to terrify the opponent!

Overwhelmed by the noise, smell, confusion, and time lost that he could have used eating dick, Joel gave up the venture, herding all the alpacas out to the front yard and putting up a sign reading "FREE PUPPIES." Within minutes, neighbors, kids and gangstas had taken every alpaca home. Problem solved!