Thursday, April 17, 2008

The EADJ Crappinema Presents: Maybe I'll Come Home In The Spring

Maybe we'll review this crappy movie. Maybe it will take a long time to describe how bad it was. Maybe the combined starpower of Kung Fu and The Flying Nun wasn't enough to save this glowing turd. Maybe the editor overused flashbacks. Maybe this movie didn't really say anything profound about counterculture and just throw hippies in there because it was topical then. Maybe we'll stop all this "maybe" joke horseshit and get on with it.










A transcript of the breakfast scene, verbatim:

Sister: Wow. You look like you've lost 20 lbs.

Sally Field: No, I don't think I've lost that much.

Sister: Well, you still look great.

Sally Field: Thanks...you sure filled out.

Sister: Yeah, I guess so. Well, I'll tell you one thing– I sure feel stuck with this bra. See you got the right idea– who needs it?

Mom: Don't start that again.

Sister: I'm not.

Mom: Her idea of being attractive is going around, bouncing up and down like a cow.

Sister: That's not my idea of being attractive.

Dad: Ladies, please.













Verbatim dialogue of Exterminator 1:

Exterminator 1: I don't understand the world anymore. I mean, I used to understand the world, but I don't anymore. I can't understand a world where people just come up and steal exterminator trucks. I...I don't understand it. I'm going home. I'm going home.

EDITOR'S NOTE: This performance is so incredibly awesome, we are going to do the best we can to rip and post this scene for you soon.

Verbatim flashback voiceover during this scene:

Young Sally Field: Mommy, why don't you and Daddy sleep together anymore at night?

Mom: We do, baby.

Young Sally Field: But you have two beds now when you only had one before. And the one you had before was pretty.
























Maybe reviewing MICHITS was a total waste of time. Maybe we could have spent our time more wisely, like balancing our checkbook or organizing our expense receipts. Maybe it really was all worth it to watch that excellent "Exterminator 1" scene. Yeah, probably.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

i didn't read this. way too long.

Estoye said...

A labor of love, bitch.

StacyD said...

I bought this steaming pile on Amazon digital and only watched up until Sally Field got her new acceptable hair-do, so, firstly, I commend you for actually making it through the entire film, which, as I said, I now OWN, but will never tell a soul except you.

This was one of the best write-ups ever, and I can't decide if you've made me so happy that I want to sit in a closet with plastic dolls or jump through a glass window. Probably both. Well done!

Unknown said...

Suckiest flick ever.Almost worth the time wasted jus ta c the marshmallow scene where the hippies chant *NamMyohoRengeKyo! Bill n Sybil r definitely the click bait here. Crappinenema way btr thn the film.