Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Totally Unfounded Trivia

The following are factoids that are based entirely on speculation. If anyone can confirm any of these, they will receive a "Jade Mollusk" Award.

• Almost all Saturn sedans made after 1996 have run over Jews.

• While filming one of his movies, Robert Mitchum probably impregnated a stagehand.

• The Lil' Rascals could drink you under the table, I bet.

• Presidential candidate John Edwards almost certainly has lower hanging testicles than those of "Crossing Over" psychic John Edward.

• Somebody probably got a blowjob in the Alamo this week.

• Internet pinup star Cindy Margolis recently ate an entire fried turkey while driving.

• Brad Harvey will own us all someday.

• The comic superhero Green Lantern is based on a real person, the real Green Lantern, Martin Jordan. He was given the power ring and lantern by a dying alien named Abin Sur, whose spaceship crashed on Earth. Probably.

(pictured above, this is what you get in Brooklyn for being a Christmas tree, right)

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