Apologies Are In Order

*** An official apology to Joel, from the Chamber of Commerce of Jefferson City, Missouri***

On behalf of the Chamber of Commerce and the good citizens of Jefferson City, Missouri, I would like to extend an official apology to Joel Thomas for the inconvenience and embarrassment that we had caused him last week.

1. We had no idea that naming our shrewmole "Joel" would be offensive to you.

2. We didn't realize that the accommodations for your stay in Jefferson City were unsatisfactory; we thought the canvas cot and bowl-to-piss-in at the Colony Inn were sufficient for your needs.

3. Our presenter Randy Galley, is a local favorite and a "hoot." We apologize if any remarks he made during his introduction of you caused offense. For example, when he said that Japanese samurais were "chinks in armor," we hope you didn't have any Japanese or chink heritage. "Cause that would be awkward.

4. We thought sending you to Angelina's Café on Boonville Road would be a good way to soak up the local color. We didn't realize you were on a strict dietary regimen of "dick, ranch sauce, dick, and Goobers." We are sorry that Angelina's Cafe only had Goobers for you.

Please accept this notarized document and a coupon good for $5 off any regular size Pizza at Pizza Hut (none in Jefferson City, sorry sorry sorry) as our official apology. We hope you could maybe find time in your busy schedule next year to have another dick-eating exhibition at the Jefferson City Town Fair.

Irma Thadeus
President & Vice President of Chamber of Commerce
Jefferson City, Missouri

(pictured above, Mister Lazybones doesn't take the extra effort this morning to look for his yellow sneakers with the black grid pattern. I mean, why even bother sometimes?)