Okay, we at EADJ have had enough of the unfair rumors surrounding our hero, Joel. A little misinformation here or there is permissible, but the following rumors must come to an end NOW:
• The rumor that Joel did not eat any dick after a movie on Wednesday, January 3 and went straight home. The truth is, he ate dick, but he snuck it into the theatre.
• The rumor that Joel has eleven toes. In all of Joel's "I Eat Dick" advertisements around the city, he appears to have the regular ten toes. Producers of the ads have sworn that they have not retouched any extra toes out.
• The rumor that Joel prefers the occasional McRib to dick. While the McRib is a tasty boneless pork and barbecue sauce sandwich with a bun, onions and pickles and is available only on a temporary basis, Joel's first love is definitely dick.
• The persistent rumor that Joel is writing one episodes for the MyNetworkTV daytime drama "Wicked Wicked Games." It has already been established here many times that Joel, while an avid fan of the show, has never been called to put words in Tatum O'Neal's mouth. Instead, Joel has devoted most of his time putting dick in HIS mouth.
• The rumor that there is a shorter, fatter version of Scott Peterson roaming the hallways of 225 North Michigan. This rumor is actually true. Because I've seen him a few times at the elevators. And I almost said hey to him.
So we at EADJ beseech the media, the grassroots supporters and the pundits to put an end to these vicious rumors. Except for that last one, which is totally true about the shorter, fatter version of Scott Peterson. Seriously.
(pictured above, a scene from the new Hilary Swank movie "Freedom Writers.")
2 comments:
Dingdang! These dingdang rumors have to stop.
Now, a scene I just wrote for "Wicked Wicked Games":
TATUM: I love the words the writer puts in my mouth, don't you, Joel?
JOEL: Dick.
Dude
You can't write yourself into your own screenplays unless you're Charlie Kaufman.
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