EADJ: Where Are They Now? Entry 3

Previous "Where Are They Now?" segments here and here.

Her star guest turn on Netflix's "Fuller House" turned Portabella Jerky into a household name among people with terrible TV tastes. She parlay her newfound fame into a hosting job at "Hollywood Insider" and on "New Zealand's Got Talent". She currently lives in Montana with her two husbands and three horses.

Few mystery novel lovers had heard of Hexchasty Buttons until last year. Now after topping the New York Times Bestseller Mystery Novel list for 30 consecutive weeks, it's hard not to come across the prolific but enigmatic writer's name. Buttons's novels are a throwback to classic Agatha Christie but with a new twist of social equality themes and 90's hip hop lingo. Rumor has it both Netflix and Hulu are interested in translating Buttons's novels into a miniseries, but Hexchasty has yet to return their calls.

"Immell Chippewa is not a name. It is a way of life." Such was our intro in May to the teachings, the simplicity, and the irresistible draw of Immell Chippewa's new age ministries. By promising an easier way to navigate through life's hardships, Immell Chippewa has shown us that if we drop all our troubles, give all of our money to him, and blindly follow his teachings, our lives will be simpler, happier, and more fulfilling, now that he will do all the thinking for us. ALL HAIL IMMELL CHIPPEWA!

6 Lies Told By The Dutch Wonderland Brochure

1) "Duke's Lagoon: Water Play Area" - Maybe I'm ruined by the Internet, but that sounds like both shit and piss.

2) Dinosaurs Come to Life on Exploration Island" - The dinosaur necromancer doesn't bring the dinosaurs to full life, per se. He actually temporarily animates the long dead corpses of the dinosaurs for children's amusement but mercifully allows them to rest once the kids leave.

3) This illustration is exaggerated. There are actually only two gondolas in the sky ride.

4) Take your picture with all your favorite non-Disney characters like Prince Pleasant, Princess Belle Cinderhontas, or The Big Wizzer.

5) Duke has a fake ID and will buy your teenage and tween kids beers. Just be cool about it.

6) There's nothing children at a theme park love more than sitting still in a cabana.

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Hardee's and Carl's Jr. are proud to announce 6 Fries Bold, a limited menu item that combines spicy seasoned french fries with unrelenting falsehoods that come in half dozens. The fries will come in both Large and Extra Large cone sizes, and will sell for $3.99/$4.99, respectively.

Hey, Look.

My favorite electronic duo from the 90's.