UAG

EADJ Spring Fashion Review

The Boy Scouts' motto is "Be Prepared," and Arthur is fully prepared for creeped-out looks and people moving away from him on the train in his shorts-and-thermal-socks combo and Ranger Rick hat.


Donna converts her old Pomeranian into a stylish tote bag. It's a perfect way for her to pay tribute to her former pet and have a way to carry her new toy poodle! Hannibalesque!


Wearing a turtle-shell backpack is lightweight, fun, and 100% effective as chick repellent. BACHELOR ON A HALF SHELL!


The forests of "Avatar" are the perfect place to find shredded blue pelts for a vest. That or Sesame Street.


Nothing says "European visitor" like a lenticular day-glo leather jacket and patchy acid washed jeans on a 40 year old.


Lots of garments make a statement, and Gus says, "I don't give a shit about my appearance" when he appears at Dunkin Donuts in pajama bottoms that read "The dog did it."


Chandellambra answers the question that nobody's been asking: "Who is fierce in them studded out stripper heels and polka dot tights?"



Sunbeam Rainbows makes sure her unshaved armpits are covered around food at her local Whole Foods Market in a Tibetan/Mayan/UrbanOutfitterian mashup outfit.


Barbra mixes safety with fasion: fishnet stockings over an anklet ensures that her semi-precious jewelry will never fall off!


Is that corndog halal? Kamia calls a friend in a delightful spring ensemble, which includes a tasseled Ralph Lauren khimar and Ugg boots.


Having matching luggage is nice, but make sure the brand name you use doesn't phonetically spell how much of an idiot you are.



Don't you hate it when the wind makes you look fat?


Adinda shows off her faith and her practicality in a smartphone-fitted hijab, leaving her hands free to enjoy a raspberry lemonade and to gesticulate to her friend who can't see her hand movements anyway.

Lifetime Nora Roberts Movie 3: Northern Lights

Boy, this was a stinker. Combine terrible acting with poor writing with real life gossip of LeAnn Rimes cheating on her husband with the male lead, and you've got a huge bowl of Suck Jambalaya. Or since this was set in Alaska, Suck Herring.

What I Thought The Movie Was About Based On the Poster: Eddie Cibrian plays a pilot who crashes near LeAnn Rimes' cabin. They're snowed in, so they pull the penis-in-the-vagina trick a few times. Bank shot!

What The Movie Was Really About: Eddie Cibrian plays the new chief of police in the small Alaskan town of Lunacy. LeAnn Rimes is a headstrong but skilled pilot who needs his help solving the mystery of her father's murder. But since it's a small town, everyone is a suspect! Strangely, nobody blames the minority.

What I Wish The Movie Was Really About: LeAnn Rimes possesses the superhuman ability to turn everything to ice just by singing some clichéd country songs. Eddie Cibrian shows up to seduce her, but she turns him to ice, smashing him into a thousand crystalline shards. Her vocal chords freeze so that she cannot sing any longer, and a pizza delivery guy knocks on my door with 4 free pepperoni pizzas.

Nora Roberts Excellence: Once again, the female lead is the career-driven aggressor, with the male as an apron-wearing, emotionally-dependent wuss-wuss. Nora Roberts doesn't seem to understand that making female leads strong doesn't mean she has to rip the balls off of her mate. I feel sorry for Mister Roberts, sadly running that Swiffer Duster all over Nora's bric-a-brac.

And is a clip that shows off both LeAnn Rimes' acting chops and Nora Roberts' natural way with dialogue:




----------Celebrity Damage Index----------

Eddie Cibrian: Fart. 0 pts.

LeAnn Rimes: -30 pts. Hoping to parlay her spotlight as a singer into some sort of acting career, she signed up for a Lifetime Original Movie and ended up creating a marital scandal instead. Walmart parking lots are now filled with burning piles of her CDs.

Rosanna Arquette: -60 pts. From her amazing roles in "Pulp Fiction" and "Desperately Seeking Susan" to being reduced to THIS:


Yes, you heard that line of dialogue right: "Somebody hacked an ice axe into his chest and left him there to die."

Overall rating: F

State of My Mangina: "Irritated but Clean"