This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Timbaland tries to look badass or menacing with the Stanley Kubrick stare but just ends up looking drowsy.

Looks like the judges on "The Voice" are really tough this season.

I thought it said "Trump" for a second there, but thankfully it just says "turnup."

Father Younge was full of wisdom but had no idea how to get the giant mustard stain out.

I can't improve on this one. As is.

Selsun Blue will take care of that, Sean.

Mr. Lif's wallet was stolen almost immediately.

I know this isn't hip hop, but how can I resist something that says "Furtwängler?" "Furtwängler!"

The outskirts of Salt Lake City is an excellent place to off yourself.

Sure, it's a square comic book, but I'd buy it.

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

(Click to enlarge)

Fluorescent Soccer Ball Felt Alone.

Fluorescent Soccer Ball Felt Alone.

Console Buttons could care less.

Handbag ignored it and listened to some jazz.

IKEA plastic part was horrified.

Dual Phone Jack felt bad about himself.

Door Lock was ambivalent.

Black Takeout Box silently cried to himself.

Three Sunflowers couldn't fucking believe it.

Two Construction Pylons tried to stay out of it and slept on the corner.

License Plate Holder made fun of the whole deal.

Three upside down power meters laughed it up.

Two Water Jugs And Rope smiled on the sidewalk.

Chair stood against the wall and gritted his teeth.

Hyundai glowered at the cop next to him.

And Two Vases, A Table and Three Art Cards looked like a total buck-toothed dumbass.

EADJ's Exclusive Interview With Jillian Michaels' Left Nostril

Eat A Dick Joel recently had the opportunity to sit down with the left nostril of Jillian Michaels, the celebrity fitness trainer from the NBC hit reality show "The Biggest Loser." We interviewed Michaels' left nostril at the Chateau Marmont in Beverly Hills on December 20th.

EADJ: Thanks for sitting down with us.

JMLN: No problem.

EADJ: We've noticed Jillian Michaels isn't with you today.

JMLN: Yes, Jillian is on a media tour promoting the next season of "Losing It With Jillian." I myself had some prior commitments, such as this interview.

EADJ: Well, thank you for that. How has her success affected your relationship with her?

JMLN: (laughs) That's probably the first question I get at every interview. I'm happy for Jillian and don't begrudge her at all. So when people read some of my Tweets (@JillianMichaelsLeftNostril) or overhear me say something about keeping up with her, they automatically think that she and I are on the rocks. That couldn't be anything further from the truth!

EADJ: But you do have your differences...

JMLN: I'm going to just stop you there and say this: when you have two big personalities like hers and mine, you can't help but have a few clashes once in a while. But I realize I'm her left nostril. She can't breathe without me...

EADJ: Actually, she could, from her mouth or her right nostril...

JMLN: (flares) ...My point is that I need her and she needs me. We have a mutual respect for each other and are not staying together just for appearances.


EADJ: I see. So tell us about your own personal projects.

JMLN: Ah, yes. Well, I have my own line of liqueurs and fragrances, and I've just taped a cameo appearance on the NBC show "Whitney."

EADJ: Ooh! I love that show!

JMLN: Also, I'm in talks for the role of the Scarlet Witch in "The Avengers 2" movie (crosses fingers) and I have been asked to ring the opening bell for the New York Stock Exchange next month.


EADJ: Wow. It sounds like you do have a full plate.

JMLN: I know, right? Fame is a funny thing. (picks self)

EADJ: Thank you so much for talking to us today! And give Jillian a hug for us!

JMLN:My pleasure! Thank you!