Here is a short list of possible things that this baby is thinking while sitting in the Ultimate Spider-Man Baby Pool:
"Where did I leave my phone?"
"Why is she holding an invisible taco in front of me?"
"Wait. This isn't Disney World."
"How the hell did my hair get wet in this shallow thing?"
"I would have preferred a Batman pool, actually. I'm more of a DC reader, especially since the New 52."
"Why is the government focusing more on the apprehension of Edward Snowden and not on the shocking revelation he leaked that the NSA illegally monitors Americans' phone calls?"
"What kind of fuel does the Dinosaur Train run on? Hopefully not fossil fuel. That would be just wrong."
"I wonder if my hatred for the Chinese will arise naturally or be engrained into me by my racist parents."
"I POOPED"
"Wait a minute. Goldilocks was clearly breaking and entering in that story!"
"I imagine you couldn't play Jenga for shit on the International Space Station."
"Isn't $17.99 a little unreasonable for an inflatable toy?"
"Where's that waitress? I ordered my drink 15 minutes ago."
"Man, the actor who plays Cam on 'Modern Family' may not be really gay, but he certainly is convincing."
"Why is having a black president a big deal? There's been one in office my entire life."
"You do not have my nose. I realize it's a trick now, so you can't fool me again, lady."
"My friend Hector explained to me the meaning of the word 'coochie,' so whenever you say 'coochie coo' to me, that's sexual harassment."
"Seriously, this thing holds what, one gallon of water?"
"Liam Neeson actually did a pretty great Hannibal in that 'A-Team' movie, now that I think about it."
"Holy shit, look at that woman's cankles!"
"I miss the good ol' days of drinking directly from my mother's chest."
"Not to belabor a point, but my goddamn dimple can hold more water than this thing."
"I bet you're reading all of these in Bruce Willis' voice, aren't you?"
"Man, there is no shortage of nipples in this photo."
"Miremos más que somos padres de nuestro porvenir que no hijos de nuestro pasado."
"My spidey sense is tingling. Or am I sitting on my pacifier?"
"How do humans know what they know, and how does our knowledge relate to our experience?"
"What in the world would possess Gallagher's brother to impersonate him and then get into a whole legal entanglement with him over an act that he clearly never owned?"
"Couldn't she have put this stupid pool over a softer surface than friggin' concrete?"
"I wonder if I should get a career in advertising or marketing."
"That cloud looks like half of a cow."
"If someone had two lazy eyes, would they look like Cookie Monster?"
"Will I start losing my hair when I'm in my 40's? Who cares? LOL"
"Why is my mother so cheap that she buys my suits at the Build-A-Bear Workshop?"
"Do I smell ham?"
"Where is my Dad? Is he that guy? Or that guy? Or him with the bag?"
"Why make a g.d. zombie movie if you're going to make it PG-13, take out all the gore and have the zombies run faster than humans? Friggin' ridiculous."
"I should ride a badger since I'm still small enough to balance on one."
"How do you pronounce ?uestlove's name?"
"I think it's pretty lazy for the Alphabet song to be the same exact melody as 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.' Just lazy."
"Man, based on what my friends at daycare tell me, I am not looking forward to teething."
"Wait, there were THREE Beastie Boys?!"
"f"
