Here Are Your Timesheets

Hey guys. Gary here.

I know none of you like to get a nagging email from your President, urging you to complete your timesheets on time. It can only mean that Sara in Accounting is so fed up with bugging you that she's coming to me to bring the hammer down. So, that's why I'm here- I'm bringing the hammer down on those of you who feel like you're too busy or too special to do your weekly timesheets, and frankly, I'm a bit miffed at that.

We're trying to run a business here, folks. And that means every employee (yes, even YOU, Donavan!) needs to log in their time correctly and in a timely fashion SO THAT WE CAN BILL OUR CLIENTS. That last part is the most important, you see.

So please don't make me break out the tennis racket and start (lovingly) beating you all over the heads to get this done. DO IT TODAY BEFORE YOU LEAVE!!!!

That's all.

Gary

p.s. Here are the new codes for this week:

34543: Explaining vaping to someone

91190: Huffing glitter glue

27271: Psyching yourself up to take a dump

60013: Conjugating the word "to conjugate"

00088: Googling "Becky with the good hair"

34738: Burning for the microwave popcorn

83224: Re-folding the Twister mat correctly

77739: Asking what this meeting was about again?

25157: Convincing the Sharks that your business idea isn't total crap

93303: Making two corn cobs fuck to make baby corn

11198: Selling stolen office supplies back to the office

58588: Not staring at Cheryl's glass eye

Fluorescent Soccer Ball Felt Alone.

Fluorescent Soccer Ball Felt Alone.

Console Buttons could care less.

Handbag ignored it and listened to some jazz.

IKEA plastic part was horrified.

Dual Phone Jack felt bad about himself.

Door Lock was ambivalent.

Black Takeout Box silently cried to himself.

Three Sunflowers couldn't fucking believe it.

Two Construction Pylons tried to stay out of it and slept on the corner.

License Plate Holder made fun of the whole deal.

Three upside down power meters laughed it up.

Two Water Jugs And Rope smiled on the sidewalk.

Chair stood against the wall and gritted his teeth.

Hyundai glowered at the cop next to him.

And Two Vases, A Table and Three Art Cards looked like a total buck-toothed dumbass.

The EADJ Crappinema Presents "Humanity's End," Starring Nobody And Directed By Nobody

Unlike books, you can easily judge a movie by its DVD cover.  The DVD sleeve for "Humanity's End" is a cheapo composite of spaceships and space soldiers with nobody's face on the front or back. (It's not like Sean Connery will somehow pop up in this bad boy.) This movie is actually part of the FBI's Witness Protection Program.

The following is verabatim dialogue from this scene:

Captain Derasi: Blue, keep me up to speed!

Computer: (mumbled) and they're closing.

Captain Derasi: Well, what can we throw at them?

Contessa: We can throw an engine at them.

Computer: No way.

Contessa: The starboard engine is gone. (mumbled) with a small detonator then blow it when they're near.

Captain Derasi: Brilliant. We'll do that. They'll be attracted to it like an alcoholic to a strip bar. Go do that.

The following line is verabatim dialogue from this scene:

Alicia: Mr. Tinkle carries sperm of the five of our greatest minds.

Overall grade: F