Saying Goodbye To A Bunch of Shit While We Say Goodbye to February

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Bye!

UAG

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Hulu This Month

Periodically, Hulu renews or cancels shows or movies based on viewer preferences. Here now are all the shows that will be added to Hulu this month:

• Financial Wipe Out!

• Ozark except it's by Hulu

• Stinkbugs In The Kitchen

• Gossamer Pubes

• QVC Footage Dubbed Over By Jamaican Dudes

• Skank Detective!

Here are the shows and movies that Hulu is removing from their lineup this month:

• Woodworking: Only Boring To Pussies

• A Long Slideshow Of Just "Before" Weight Loss Photos

• Stupid Shark Tank: Only The Dumbest Ideas Get Funded (aka Shark Tank)

• Waxing That Ass: The Donkey Hair Removal Specialists

• Behind The Scenes at Fox News: How The Lying, Toxic Sausage Gets Made

• "Hulu: Why It's Not As Good A Streaming Service As Netflix." A Documentary By Netflix

Lobsterfest This Year's Lobsterfest At Red Lobster This 2019!

 

(This entry was written after consuming 5 biers from the Bierhaus NYC, pictured below)

Your local Red Lobster is firing up the pot and getting ready for this year's slew of lobster-tainted goodness! Here are just some of the many new ways that you can enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster:

• We invite all the girls (except Monica) over for a slumber party, where we all wear fun lobster-themed pajamas with feet and watch that romantic comedy where Gerard Butler is an assassin or whatever. That is technically one of the ways to enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!

• You piss in a Ziploc bag, seal it up, and then keep it in your glove compartment until one of the members from the Homeowner's Association tells you not to park your car on the street after 8pm. Whatever happens next sounds like a pretty terrific way you could enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!

• We take succulent roasted rock lobster tail and butter-poached Maine lobster tail, serve it with a creamy lobster-and-shrimp linguini Alfredo, plus your choice of side. Then once you try to dig in, we slap the whole plate off your table and scream, "What have YOU done to deserve any of this?" Then we storm out, crying. Yet one more delicious way one can enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!

• We force you to do 200 sit-ups. Then we brush butter on your abs and see if any of that looks like lobster morsels. If YES, then you are free to dig in and eat whatever you see. If NO, death. Now, you can't tell me that's not a way you could enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!

UAG

More Fake Taglines For A Real Movie Whose Premise Shows They Never Took It Seriously In The First Place