The Latest New Perks of an AMC Stubs Membership

The popularity of movie membership rewards programs like AMC's Stubs keeps growing as movie chains create more reasons for audiences to return to theaters. Here are the newest Stubs Rewards:

• Members are allowed to blow their noses into the big red curtain

• Free foot rub by Timothée Chalamet (per availability)

• If the shitty sequel you're watching is an even number, free caramel popcorn. If the shitty sequel you're watching is an odd number, free box of Mallomars or Junior Mints

• If the AMC theatre you're in is one of those fancy dine-in deals, you are allowed berate the server to make yourself feel like hot shit

• Free popcorn bucket / urinal

Saying Goodbye To A Bunch of Shit While We Say Goodbye to February

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Bye!

The ProofrEADJer, November Edition

A Brief Status Of What Mall Kiosk Attendants Are Doing

The following is an accurate account of what Pria, attendant at Phone Phun at Berkeley Heights Mall, PA did while working on November 6, 2012 from 1:34pm - 1:40pm:

• picked nose

• straightened the rack of ugly dayglo bedazzled iPhone covers

• adjusted sweater

• adjusted bra strap (left)

• smiled at old woman who wasn't even looking at her

• hummed the theme to "SWAT"

• grabbed crotch/looked around to see if anyone was watching

• alphabetized the lanyards

• lifted right leg to squeeze one out

The following is an accurate account of what Donovan, attendant at That's My Mug! at Berkeley Heights Mall, PA did while working on November 6, 2012 from 2:14pm - 2:28pm:

• played Angry Birds

• nodded to the attendee of the FLYING THINGS kiosk nearby

• did that thing where you flick your cheek to make a "waterdrop" noise

• straightened row of personalized mugs

• considered having a Cavatini from Pizza Hut for lunch

• straightened row of blank mugs that have yet to be personalized

• said the word "shit" to himself

• thought about Alyson Hannigan

• played Plants Vs. Zombies

• scratched ear

• thought about those new Hobbit movies

• shat himself