UAG

Once Again, It's Time To Say Goodbye To Shit That Advertisers Want You To Say Goodbye To

Previous stupid Say Goodbye entries here.

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!

Here Are Your Job Numbers For March 27, 2019

____________________________________________________________________

From: mark.thadowik@outwardinc.net
Sent: March 27, 2019 8:40 AM
To: ALL_Company
Subject: Job Numbers For Time Sheets


Hey assholes,

Mark here. You know, the CEO of this place who employs you all. Finance tells me you fuckers aren't doing your timesheets on time, and it cocks up our billing, which prevents people from getting paid, mainly ME. So you cocksuckers better fucking get on the stick and start doing timesheets or I'm going to go down there and lay some fury on your plebeian asses, quick-like.

"But I don't have job numbers!" you whine. Well, motherfuckers, here are the job numbers now, so you have no excuse not to get cracking and do this shit.

What are you waiting for, bitches? Get your goddamned job numbers and submit that shit! FUCK YOU!

Sincerely,

Mark Thadowik
CEO, Outward Incorporated

____________________________________________________________________

022041: Defending Jack White

913106: Settling Pictionary Arguments

825915: Giving Pokey his cut

339531: Throwing something into the bad guy's helicopter so it crashes

696311: Trying to work the word "lit" into a sentence to sound cool

881480: Reading the Terms and Conditions

601664: Taking "skeez" as a compliment

523903: Conceding it's maybe not the country's best yogurt

100986: Doin' the do

737321: Squirreling away some ketchup packets for later snacks

914293: Finding your correct job number

414121: Covering "Shallow" in the bathroom stall

Task Chair Is About Done With Your Shit

TASK CHAIR NEVER LEFT, YOU MEWLING COCKSUCKERS. YOU'VE BEEN WHINING AND BELLYACHING ABOUT THIS OR THAT NOT GETTING DONE, AND TASK CHAIR HAD THE ANSWER ALL ALONG. FEEL STUPID YET, PUSSIES?

TASK CHAIR HAS A GAS LIFT SEAT, SWIVELS AND EVEN ROLLS ON CASTERS, SO WHAT'S THE BITCHING ABOUT NOT BEING ADJUSTABLE ENOUGH? MAYBE IT'S YOUR UNPRODUCTIVE FAT ASS THAT'S HEMORRHAGING THE COMPANY MONEY. MAYBE IT'S YOUR BROWSER HISTORY BEING MAINLY REDDIT AND THESUPERFICIAL, YOU THINK ABOUT THAT? TASK CHAIR HAS BEEN WATCHING.

"GET A NEW CHAIR." BOOM, DONE! SEE, TASK CHAIR HAS ALREADY DECIMATED YOUR TO-DO LIST. BOW DOWN AND RECOGNIZE, YOU SHITSTAINS. SHIT IS ABOUT TO GET ACCOMPLISHED UP IN THIS OPEN FLOOR PLAN.

MAYBE STOP SOCIALIZING OVER PARTITION WALLS AND START PUSHING THIS COMPANY IN THE BLACK, SHALL WE, ASSHOLES? THOUGHT SO. YOU MILLENNIALS WON'T HAVE YOUR GRANDPARENTS' BASEMENT TO LIVE IN FOREVER. YEAH, I SAID IT.

Here Are Your Time Sheets For This Week

Ahoy group!

Sorry for not speak english well. This speaking Chenguang Song from Taipei branch of conglomerate. Asked by United of States headquarters to fill in for Shirley in Billing, who out of office due to abortion appointment.

It is my sincere duty to remind the employees of you to turn in time+sheets by day's end. Failure to turn it in will result in one garnishing of wages two disciplinary measures and three come up with a third thing that will scare them.

Here now are the display of time codes for your entrances:


18584: Coming up with an excuse not to buy your friend's daughter's Girl Scout cookies

29559: Wishing and Hoping and Thinking and Praying

92945: Solving for x

55463: Weakly defending your opinion that Adele isn't all that great

92454: Dropping that zero

38211: Finding yourself a hero

30086: Wondering how Yoda would say the phrase "I shit you not."

88888: Singing to Verizon Wireless' hold music

25812: Masturbating in the employee restroom while looking at Instagram photos of your cubemate on your phone

77414: Repairing the timeline

02478: Trying to reach the Batarang embedded in the ceiling

A Brief List of Terrible Baby Names For Boys

Sheila

Fastidian

Treebeard

Carlos Reyes Undocumento

Chifferobe

Triptophan

Chutzpah

Bonjenet

Calculus

Zardoz

Crimminy

Kim Jong Un, Jr.

Gimlet

Harness

Lamisil

Buzzfeed

Bisque

Skeet