The ProofrEADJer: End O' June Edition

The ProofrEADJer: Mostly Political Edition

"I Think Donald Just Criticized Me For Preparing For This Debate. And Yes, I Did. You Know What Else I Prepared For? I Prepared To Be Pathmark."

Meanwhile, at a Kinko's in Arlington, VA,

Jay Cohen spots a sign at Kinko's that breaks up with you and then still wants to be friends.

Every "Best Supporting Actress" Nomination Set-Up Speech.

"A nurse lost on a beach. A mother-to-be on the run from the law. A desperate jewelry shop owner. A prostitute who can read minds. And an autistic stewardess with enormous breasts. These are the nominees for "Best Supporting Actress." This year's performances ranged from the absurd and harrowing to the triumphant and luminescent. And tonight, we celebrate these five roles, each played to perfection by the finest actresses they could find for the budget with the best approximate age and costume size specs. Each honed their craft and poured their soul onto the screen for all the world to see– at least the parts of the world that have artsy movie theatres that can show such obscure and almost-definitely not profitable films.

"Tonight's nominees for Best Supporting Actress are:

Emily Blunt in "Nights In Florence Nightingale"

Cameron Diaz in "Broke Water"

Marcia Gay Harden in "Gold Leaf Detail"

Charlize Theron in "You're Name's Not John"

and Salma Hayek in "24D"

"And the winner is..."

And Now, Ugly Andrew Gall With How To Travel During a Heat Wave

I've recently married Ugly Megan and went on an ugly honeymoon, so this advice comes fresh from my experiences:

One of the worst things that can happen during a heat wave while traveling is an automotive breakdown, so when things heat up be sure to check your car’s coolant levels, oil, tire pressure and the like. And if you have any concerns about the state of your vehicle’s durability, hunker down somewhere until cooler weather returns.

It goes without saying you’ll want to stay hydrated, so buy a styrofoam cooler and fill it with ice and cold drinks— especially healthy ones that aren’t too loaded with sugar. Cold packs can also come in handy, especially if you don’t have the luxury of air conditioning all the time. And try to drink at least eight cold glasses of water every day! Eat smaller meals and eat more often, which is easier on your system than just having three large meals a day.

Follow these easy rules, and you too can have a nice ugly time in these fine United States that we call America.

Adriana Lima Is Unimpressed.

Brazilian Victoria's Secret supermodel Adriana Lima is one of the highest earning models in the industry (worth $6 million according to Forbes) and has seen it all. It comes as no surprise, then, that she is rarely impressed by anything. So good luck doing that.


A series of Guinness World Record winners?


Adriana Lima appreciates everyone's enthusiasm but doesn't see what the big deal is.


Warner Bros.' The Dark Knight has racked up almost $1 billion dollars in box office earnings since its release, with $528,535,317 domestically (just $72,252,871 below Titanic’s record) and $469,000,000 overseas.


Adriana Lima heard the one American guy died but didn't see the movie, since she's been busy having naked pool parties in Dubai, Morocco, and Lake Como in Italy.


7th graders Kassie Ardovina and Solomon Fendrupp from Winterview Middle School in Milton, Arkansas win top marks and a photo in the local paper for their "Borax Snowflakes" science fair display. Both also receive $100 each towards their college funds!


Adriana Lima wasn't even paying attention that time. What were you saying about snowflakes or whatever?