Synopses For Upcoming Episodes of Netflix's "Charlie's Colorforms City"

"Questions"

A body found in the Colorforms River Basin turns out to be Mayor Blue's missing wife. Charlie bribes a health inspector so the Rainbow Eats Festival can move forward.

"Destination"

City official Purple is kidnapped in an Uber. Charlie confronts his ex-wife about her not honoring joint custody of the children. A thunderstorm threatens the Tie Dye Workshop.

"Answers"

Inmates escape from Colorforms Penitentiary. Charlie busts an opium den in the Cyan District. The gang war between the Reds and the Yellows ends when they form the Oranges.

Not Every Star Wars Tie-In Works.

Spotted on Facebook:

 

Because nothing says "finding peace" and "controlling your temper" like Darth fucking Vader.

You've Got Chocolate In My Peanut Butter, and Peanut Butter In My Racist Appliances!

Don Considers His Time Valuable, Goddammit

Now, Don is not one to futz around and beat around the bush: he is a VERY BUSY MAN. So busy, in fact that he has to get work done on the way home from work. That's why Don sets up his Briefcase Desk®. That's a little invention he made to get more work done on the commuter train to Jersey. No, this type of thing is not for sale. This is not a crummy commercial for that. It's just a little something Don created for himself to get more work done. Because dammit if he's not a busy man.

Don't worry. Don does keep an accurate log of the hours that he works while on the train. He keeps track with an old fashioned alarm clock which he keeps on the right corner of his Briefcase Desk®. "If you're gonna do work, keep track of the time," Don always says.

Sometimes when things get really busy, Don wheels in a photocopier and a fax machine. There's a phone jack and a three-pronged outlet right by the train seat. And if he's working late, he plugs in a coffee maker. The Briefcase Desk® has a pocket for coffee filters and stirrers.

Great work, Don, and have a good weekend. We'll see you at 7am on Monday.

Don't Think For A Second We've Forgotten About Stunt Cat

As Universal Pictures, Warner Brothers, Miramax, Lions Gate, Pathé!, Sony Pictures, Paramount, DreamWorks, Columbia, and Touchstone Pictures continue to develop their own version of "Stunt Cat," the hot property EADJ discovered on the wall of a movie theatre in Manhattan, EADJ turned to Google to see what other Stunt Cat developings are in the works:

Stunt Cat! The iPhone app

Stunt Cat here is a skydiving feline whose only weakness is buggy OpenFeint Achievements and a bloated binary size and no technical support. Chris Martone has taken the concept of a stunt cat and turned him into a suicidal opposite of Doodle Jump.

This app is currently available on the iTunes Store to download and crash your iPhone with.

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Stuntcat on myspace Music

Stuntcat appears to be a band composed of two people, although they feature the one girl. Maybe the guy is fat or hideous or he looks exactly like Adam Levine and they don't want to get confused with Maroon 5 when they end up on the cover of SPIN. Either way, their music has a pleasant enough indie sound, but not necessarily something I'd crank in my car. Maybe if my car were broken down outside of a hookah lounge, and everyone there wanted to listen to something, anything.

An Open Invitation To Hooters To Just Come Off It Already

Hey Hooters

You're not fooling anybody, you know. This whole "we have a wholesome girls-next-door" image is a huge vatful of horseshit. You should just admit that you're selling fried food served with tits.


"Oh, we're just a chicken wing restaurant named after owls, and you're the one with the dirty mind." Right. That's why nighttime strippers work your afternoon shifts. That's why your commercials feature girls jumping up and down. That's why you had one of your waitresses appear on a news program to show this skill (I am so embarrassed for that female host):



Who are you trying to fool exactly? The mothers of teenage boys who are begging them to take them there? Your local city council who would otherwise outlaw strip clubs from the strip mall? The girls themselves? Because I'm pretty sure they're willingly wearing tank tops and panty hose with Keds and not thinking that's some random arbitrary dress code.


It's time you stopped pretending to be a mainstream brand and embrace the fact that you're peddling low-rent semi-porn. Pretty much the exact opposite of what GoDaddy.com has been doing.

Quick Blogger's Note

David will be on vacation starting Monday and will probably be away from a computer, so he has taken the steps to "front-load" next week's EADJ entries. If all goes well, the entries should post daily and on schedule. If not, you may want to read any one of the other 879,334,233,178,544,3843,537,801,201,276 blogs on the Internet.

The Infection Spreads.

Some EADJ readers might remember a December entry which featured an elderly woman about to eat her husband's head:


Well, we don't want to alarm you and cause a widespread panic, but she has apparently bitten a few other people since then. Most notably some folks in a Western Union campaign at Grand Central:






Fucking terrifying.