A Quick Word About Project Mc2 Toys For Girls

It's encouraging to see a booming interest in S.T.E.M. (Science, Technology, Engineering and Math) subjects among children and young people, and with that comes the advent of STEM-related toys for sale. Some toys are better than others, of course. But one particular brand is trying to cash in on the STEM craze while still keeping their feet in the goddamned 1950s. I'm talking about Project Mc2 toys, based on a web series of the same name featuring "a highly secretive group of female government operatives who are trying to protect the world."

Project Mc2, rather than just promoting learning and interest in scientific subjects, chooses to add a thin layer of "science" to the archaic notion that girls should just play with makeup and go to the spa and worry about their appearance. The result is this grotesque mashup of encouraging learning and not-so-subtly keeping women and girls in their place.

I'm sure the argument here is "well, girls do like makeup and getting dressed up and doing their nails" which might be true, but why reinforce all that on girls who might only want to learn about science? Why girl-ify anything just because you want to pander girls? Science is science and interesting enough as it is. You don't need to put a pink skirt on a supercollider so girls can learn about atoms.

Beauticians are scientists! Hair stylists are conducting experiments!

Perfume, WITH SCENTS INCLUDED?! Wow, a bonus!

"Spa experiments." "Slumber Party Science Kit." You know, girls can be girls, but this cynical pandering (and patriarchal pressuring) is not fucking welcome in 2019.

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Chrishan couldn't located the thermostat to his new mansion, so he just burned the foyer rug for warmth.

Vanilla Ice once asked "Will it ever stop?" And Giggs takes it further by asking "when?" The "it" he's referring to, of course, is the blatant disregard for private property that some ne'er-do-wells tend to have. No respect for the homeowner!

Jhené was pretty bummed when the fabulous "party boat" her boyfriend bragged about having turned out to be a 17th Century tea freighter.

I'm not sure if Loaded Lux is talking to me to get this work or is urging Shaq to. Or is Shaq addressing Loaded Lux? And why are they using Ferrari and Stomp typefaces? Is anybody in charge here?

Lungz needs to clean up his computer desktop.

Here's a design hint: If you're depicting someone jumping in the air, don't put a drop shadow behind them. Otherwise it looks like they just tripped like an idiot and are splayed out on some poster board.

Nobody dressed up for the photo. They also refused so sit closer to one another. Only one of them even bothered looking at the camera. But Grandma loves you all so much that she's going to frame this lovely photo anyway, y' hear?

I can't tell if this guy is majorly high or has some Asian blood in him. Yeah, I'm racist.

Using sale items from Halloween Headquarters to threaten women into twerking sounds like a bizarre, awful plan for the night. But it just might work.

Great Jesus.

Young Dolph's E.T. heartlight was too big to hold all the love in the world, so he unleashed it near the Tappan Zee Bridge, away from the prying eyes of the haters.

LOOK OUT JESUS! HE'S GOING TO EAT YOU! I KNOW YOU'RE OFFERING YOURSELF TO BE EATEN AND ALL, BUT WE ARE LITERALLY TALKING ABOUT A GIANT RAPPER ABOUT TO DEVOUR YOU FROM BEHIND!

Clive Owen fucking hates to wait in line at Caribou Coffee.

If you're an astronaut, I don't think you'd need shades. How much cooler can you be if you're already wearing a friggin' spacesuit? If anything, the Ray Bans cheapens the whole look. Sandra Bullock didn't wear shades.

Okay, Sasha, I'll give you that- that is nutty. All of it. But it's sad that two different types of grey alien can't find some common ground and build a functional rapping android.

Meanwhile, DJ Khaled could really use an Excedrin.

EADJ Album Artwork Project Music Revealed

Album #1: "The Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza"
Track: "Yippiekayay Motherfucker"


Larry: Well, I was right that the cover and band name were cute and the music wouldn’t be, but never expected thrash guitar. Ironically, the music gave me the exact same headache I used to get as a kid from drinking Kool-Aid.

Brynn: (never gave response after sending MP3s)

Andrew: this hurts my ears. too much rumbling and gnashing of teeth. not what i was expecting from mr. kool aid.

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Album #2: Günther, "Pleasureman"
Track: "I Am Your Man"


Larry: I was pretty close here. I predicted that this douche was legit lame and not an act. I should have said, “Like Justin Timberlake with less talent, technology from 1982, and a disco baseline from 1972.”

Brynn: (never gave response after sending MP3s)

Andrew: Equal parts gutteral growl, speed metal, and the sound of poop hitting toilet water. Large dick-n-balls inflatables engulf the stage during their live shows.


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Album #3: Vinte!, "EP 2009"
Track: "Garota Photoshop"


Larry: Oooh, close(ish) again. Their sound (Musically tight alternative tunes, but unoriginal) is exactly what I expected the Tony Danza Tapdance Experience to sound like. I was off on the punk/rap fusion for sure. Still I did predict a foreign language. One point for me.

Brynn: (never gave response after sending MP3s)

Andrew: again, what i expected. these guys can't get hard. like, ever.

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Album #4: Bionic Ghost Kids, "Poison Ivy"
Track: "Poison Ivy"


Larry: The track had pop/alt piano opening, then screeching anger metal, then at the :46 mark, it more or less became exactly what I expected. Over-produced electronic music. Though the chipmunk voice still confuses me.
Then the three styles flip back and forth. Still, I think I get some credit for predicting “they can’t make good music. I’ll say electronica with vocals mixed in.” That describes the bulk of the track.

Brynn: (never gave response after sending MP3s)

Andrew: good piano playing at the beginning, poor everything else. the piano was probably the dog's doing. and why the chipmunks?

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Correction: Merauder is actually the name of the band, not God Is I.

Album #5: Merauder, "God Is I"
Track: "Hell Captive"


Larry: Okay, I think I got this one 100% right. Though this was probably the easiest call of the bunch.

Brynn: (never gave response after sending MP3s)

Andrew: literally the same as tony danza. but it fits the art better, at least.

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Album #6: Scotty Vanity, "Eyeliner Is Spiffy"
Track: "I Like Your Hair"


Larry: You have got to be fucking kidding me. Predicting that this train wreck might be a prodigy or be in any way able to make good music was an all time wrong answer. By predicting he’d be a misunderstood musical talent, I insulted anyone and everyone who ever did have an ounce of talent. I officially apologize to Adam Lambert, musicians anywhere, anyone who ever whistled a tune in the shower, anyone who ever hummed a tune in an elevator, any passing train or car with an engine that roared even semi-rhythmically, and any dog, cat, whale or other animal who accidentally makes a partially melodious sound. Scotty doesn’t know!

Brynn: (never gave response after sending MP3s)

Andrew: boring. this one is actually the most right on to what i predicted.

EADJ Album Artwork Project, Round 2

Once again we have folks guess what musical acts sound like based on the album artwork. This time we asked three people: Larry K, Brynn, and Andrew.


Album #1: "The Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza"


Larry: I’m guessing that, despite the name, there is no connection to either Tony Danza or tap dance. The wise-ass goofy name, distressed black background and retro-cool Kool Aid guy makes me think this is a band in the pop-punk-alternative mode. Like an early Green Day. I bet they’re an awesome band playing Goo Goo Dolls and Fu Fighters covers at a local bar, but their own stuff is considerably less appealing. Or they’re simply a band that just caters to poor, thirsty kids who like the taste of red food coloring.

Brynn: Cheesy 80s

Andrew: Self-important, like drawing feet on a potato, this stupid techno blitz of bleeps and bloops brings to mind awfulness, candy necklaces, and a guy taking a dump in a club bathroom. The dual ironic borrowed interest, in short, reeks.


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Album #2: Günther, "Pleasureman"


Larry: I was gonna say this is a goof as well. Like the picture is an inside joke and the music can’t be as lame as implied. But then I saw the umlaut in “gunther.” This might be legit. So I’ll say a cheesy euro douche who tries to sing sexy electronic pop and ballads. Like Justin Timberlake with less talent and technology from 1982.

Brynn: Dance/techno/eurotrash

Andrew: This isn’t really fair for me to review, as Mark Nikowlowski once sent out one of this dude’s songs in an attempt at humor on the company bullshit list. From the looks of it, it’s a dude banging a spoon on a triangle at varied speeds. Again, this one isn’t fair. I’m too close to it.


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Album #3: Vinte!, "EP 2009"


Larry: The usual not-so-great white kid punk rap fusion. Like the Beasties but just not. Except for some reason (perhaps the name “Vinte!”) I feel like they sing bilingually.

Brynn: 90's white Italian hip hop

Andrew: These guys sing about girls who have dumped them for not getting hard, then they go shred. Also, I love that Justin Long is on the bottom.



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Album #4: Bionic Ghost Kids, "Poison Ivy"


Larry: Wow. Not a clue. I’m guessing kids who can dance pretty well, and somehow managed to leverage that into an album despite the fact that they can’t make good music. I’ll say electronica with vocals mixed in. Or maybe an uncool, all-male Evanescence.

Brynn: beat boxing

Andrew: Fuse a drum machine and a-capella rants about society and you have this group. The guy in the mask doesn’t do anything but dance around mutely while shaking his fist and occasionally doing handstands. The dog was just borrowed for the photo shoot and plays no role in the overall group dynamic.


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Album #5: God Is I, "Merauder"


Larry: An homage to the classic 80’s death medal. Design a cool album cover and t-shirt (Megadeth, Anthrax, etc). THEN make music. I’ll say heavy metal...tightly played yet too loud/noisy to be good.

Brynn: Pop metal (according to Joanne)

Andrew: Equal parts gutteral growl, speed metal, and the sound of poop hitting toilet water. Large dick-n-balls inflatables engulf the stage during their live shows.


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Album #6: Scotty Vanity, "Eyeliner Is Spiffy"


Larry: Is “I was touched by daddy” a musical style? This kid’s a mess. But for some unknown reason, I’m guessing that he’s the most talented of this whole lot and has the best (most worthwhile) music. He probably has a sound that works, and some instrumental skills (possible even a terrific piano/keyboard player?)...but lacks the big voice. He wishes he was Adam Lambert, but instead he’s just a solid, yet unspectacular prodigy turned wannabe.

Brynn: wanna be boy george

Andrew: What that “leave Britney alone” meme would sound if set to music. It sounds like he plays the piano with his ass. Come to think of it, he probably does. Hoarse voice due to chain smoking and constant cackle noises.


(EADJ will post MP3s of the featured musical acts tomorrow, along with our esteemed panel's reaction to said music.)

EADJ Album Artwork Project, Music Revealed

So, yesterday Andrew and Michelle guessed what some bands sounded like based on the album artwork. Here we evaluate how well they guessed in a little EADJ listening party.


Album #1: "It's Hard To Be A Diamond In A Rhinstone (sic) World" by Blood On the Dance Floor
Track: "Save the Rave"


Michelle and Andrew had both used the word "slinky" to describe the music. Uncanny!

Andrew: "Yep, slinky sounds are definitely there. Chipmunking it up. Sounds like horses dry heaving. I was spot on with this one."



Album #2: "It's Always Gully In Philadelphia, Season 3" by Various

Track: "Gun You Down Tonight" by Cassidy



Michelle had assumed too much about this one. She was somehow thinking this would be socially conscious rap, sort of Arrested Development meets N.W.A. But Andrew being the hip-hop connoisseur that he is (he just saw the Rock The Bells show on the west coast), detected something more expected. Also, maybe the bullet holes tipped him off.


Album #3: "Demo" by Slow Motion Noise

Track: "Hope and a Reason (Demo)"



Michelle: "Awful Autotune! So terrible and derivative... I never would have gone that way with them."

Andrew: "Couldn’t listen to more than 20 seconds. Makes me think of that picture of those 20 extra tan jersey douchebags at the club."


Album #4: "Hooked On Ebonics" by Radiobaghdad

Track: "Poor Flipper"



Both Andrew and Michelle were thrown by the artwork on this one. So much that they guessed an entire genre off.

Andrew: "Wow, was I off. Not jamerican in any way. Not homophobic either. I think he said something about whales or manatees, which deserves points. In short, rawr rawr rawr."

Michelle: "Yeah. I was totally off on that one. It's way more punk..."



Album #5: "Beat Kids" by Beat Kids

Track: "Who The Fuck Is Joey Fenton?"



Andrew: "Voice sounds like poop. Typical guitars. Seems like they want to be an odd Matchbox 20-Rancid mash up. Nast."

Michelle: "Actually, the Beat Kids one sounds a lot like I thought it would..."



Album #6: "The Undislodgable Nugget Scenario" by Super Fun Happy Slide

Track: "Revenge of the Afterstench"



Michelle: "I love the name Revenge of the Afterstench! And that it sounds like a bullfrog puking!"

Andrew: "My biggest regret in life may be that I never reviewed this previously to match up with what I write here. They are fucking beastly. Literally, I think it is a horde of mammals with tails and matted fur."

EADJ Album Artwork Project

Here's a new segment: we send some unknown album artwork to friends and ask them to predict what the music sounds like based on the cover alone. We then send them mp3's from those albums to see how well they did. S'fun!


We recruited the help of Balls in Chicago and Andrew Gall in Seattle. Here are their impressions based purely on the album artwork:

Album #1: Blood On the Dancefloor (aka BOTDF) "It's Hard To Be a Diamond In a Rhinstone (sic) World"


Michelle: "A true pioneer in the eastern-bloc pop music scene. Botof takes up where Avril Lavigne left off and adds a slinky, dark edge to it. Simply stated, it's self-absorbed, pop-punk with a vague death wish."

Andrew: "Her (his?) sound is like a group of slinkies going down the stairs (alone or in pairs, no less), with a backing track that is a bit techno and a bit like an overweight man belching, mixed with the unmistakable sound of lily white asscrack. For some reason I am also visualizing the sound a gun turret makes."


Album #2: Various Artists "It's Always Gully In Philadelphia, Season 3"


Michelle: "Gritty, gangster hip-hop with a socially conscious twist. Heavy, trigger-happy beats paired up with grisly, raw raps capture the struggles of thug life in South Philly. This is hardcore, bitches."

Andrew: "I have to admit, this did make me chuckle a little bit. As humorous as the concept itself may be, these guys seem like your typical mealy-mouthed gun talk MCs, rapping things like “nickel bag” with “jag” and posturing with a .44 in their pants all the while. For some reason I feel like the one second from the right has the most raw skills. They’re also likely to rap over some oversampled tracks, like “Between the Sheets” by the Isley Brothers or something by Wham. Needs improvement."


Album #3: Slow Motion Noise, Demo

*This is actually a band photo, not an album cover


Michelle: "This band proves themselves to be Christian music's answer to Coldplay. Their meaningful, deft lyrics expound on themes of forgiveness and spiritual wandering. Their soaring, anthemic, guitar melodies make this a praise-worthy effort."

Andrew: "Weird dudes with fat guy whose arms are folded- This band is a myriad of problems. The guy on the left can’t get a girl, the two in the middle would be more popular on their own, and the drummer (the guy on the right) ruins most of their live shows by sweating through his t-shirts and blasting mid-set burrito farts. Plus, they haven’t really figured out their sound yet. They sound vaguely Swedish."



Album #4: Radiobaghdad, "Hooked On Ebonics"


Michelle: "Post-modern, avant-garde duo Radiobagdad gives an ironic tip-of-the-hat to 90s old skool hip-hop genre. Their detached, eurotrash vocals and elastic, synthesized beats are persuasive and taught. It's the adventurous fusion of their krautrock influences with more urban rhythms that shake up the aural status-quo and defy classification."

Andrew: "Contrary to first impulse, these guys are actually a dancehall group. They’re your typical reggae homophobes, featuring tracks like “No way, gay” and “hopeless homo”, but they do have the potential to shine. Decent beats save this one. Top 40 crossover potential."


Album #5: Beat Kids, Self-Titled


Michelle: "Bratty, and at times lyrically adolescent, this band really stands out in the sea of indie-popsters. Bright, unrestrained, with shades of so-cal punk influence, their music is as high-velocity as it is danceable."

Andrew: "The most potential of an otherwise inauspicious group of musical artists. The green slime which contains bones, an eyeball, and possibly shoes belies the genius pairing of four plain white tees, a plaid sweater, and some vicious, vicious britpop. The guy on the left is the lead singer, and his balls are far more overworked than yours. The other four mainly dance around and sometimes wrestle each other. In short, this sounds like the future."


Album #6: Super Fun Happy Slide, "The Undislodgable Nugget Scenario"


Michelle: "A perfect combination of ham-fisted, bare-knuckled guitar riffs, highly-caustic, mutating vocals, and reckless drum beats. This release will literally bludgeon your ass."

Andrew: (Due to a clerical error on EADJ's part, Andrew was not sent this album cover and does not have an entry for this one. Totally my bad.)


NEXT ENTRY: What the bands sound like!