Synopses For New Episodes of Netflix's "Charlie's Colorforms City"

"Caveat Emptor"

Charlie's gambling addiction is revealed to his common-law wife, who leaves him immediately. His step-sister comforts him sexually.

"Within, Without"

The Purple Town Hustlaz clash violently with the Green Side Apostles, and Commissioner Lavender is forced to call in the National (Color) Guard. Rumors of a dirty bomb in the train yard forces loading crews to evacuate. College students start falling sick from a "puce-colored STD".

"Forcible Removal"

Red religious zealots burn down the Gray Community Center. Charlie and his kid deputies raid an opium den in Color Wheel Park and uncover an immigrant trafficking ring. Gerry euthanizes Hue the Police Horse after it shatters its leg in a dressage event.

New Perks of an AMC Stubs Membership

AMC's rewards program gains more and more members every month, primarily because of its growing list of perks and rewards. Here now are the latest benefits of being a Stubs card holder:

• If you nod off, we will rewind the film to where you were last paying attention

• Exclusive access to the upcoming "Passion of the Christ: Resurrection" popcorn bucket

• Diego can bake some hash into the chocolate chip cookies for you in the concession stand wink wink

• Text alerts for next time a movie starring that actor you like is playing

• Free spicy jalapeño nacho pretzel bites with purchase of XXL moon pie cookies & creme frozen blizzard shake diabetes

Let's All Say Goodbye To Some Stuff In Ads Again!

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! 

(I can't believe we got to say goodbye to under eye bags TWICE.)

Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Watched

"Do I have something on me?"

"Hey there, Sssssssssssssssssssssssssexy."

"Oh yeah? You think you're the sexiest crew on the Paducah strip circuit? Well, try to outsexy THIS..."

"I love you." "Bullshit."

"Let me prepare my landing strip for your 737."

"Reality is Wrong. Dreams Are For Pathmark."

5 Surprises of VidCon 2024

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The ProofrEADJer: End of August Edition

Plus two comic book ones:

Unintentional Ninja Turtles, Part IV

Another collection of things in the world that vaguely resemble Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:

 

Weekly Episode Recaps of Chicago ___________

Chicago Fire

Season 5 Episode 04: "Sicut Et Cum Parvis"

Chief Daughtry wins a cup stacking contest. Mandy learns her ex was transferred to a nearby town instead of dead. The station gets a surprise visit from mindreader The Great Kismet, and hilarity ensues.

Chicago Med

Season 6 Episode 11: "For Whatever It Takes To Draw Closer To You, Lord"

A wiring problem in the OR forces the residents to improvise. Dr. Mackerey denies practicing witchcraft during business hours. EMTs Sonny and Donna exchange fluids. The Accident-Free tally board is reset again.

Chicago P.D.

Season 18 Episode 02: "It's a Darva Conger World"

Gerald discovers the secrets his wife has been keeping from him. Maddie is promoted to Captain and learns it doesn't come with a pay raise. Charlie XCX makes a surprise guest appearance that's still totally organic.

Some Upcoming InfoWars Conspiracies

Alex Jones and his talented pool of writers have been cooking up some good fake news stories for you conspiracy-minded. Here are the latest juicy piles of bullshit coming your way soon:

• The moon doesn't exist; it's actually a giant illuminated balloon engineered by Disney to make you wish more.

• Menudo is a cleverly disguised human trafficking operation run by Mexican cartel dwarves.

• Anyone wearing a Canada Goose down jacket can legally be drafted into the Canadian Goose Research Expedition in the Antarctic.

• Whoever's in the prison kitchen actually in charge of tossing the salads probably gets wisecracks all the time (not a conspiracy, just an observation).

• If you cannot pronounce something at a sushi bar, you get it for free.

• That Stretch Armstrong doll you enjoyed pulling apart as a kid actually could feel all of that.

Time To Say Goodbye To Stuff in Ads!

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Adios! Goodbye!

Lineup Updates for VidCon 2024

VidCon, the "TED Talk for content creators", is almost here. And a ton of speakers have been added to the roster. Get your tickets soon to see these luminaries live:

• Trad wife / conservative activist Poodle McPickens will berate the crowd for being so diverse.

• Threads "comedian" Gil Sansome will crack wise about Roblox, V-bucks and life in general

• Andrew Tate will try to recruit new cam girls from the audience via his webcam from prison

• There will be a special screening of the historical documentary about the Cinnamon Challenge

• iPhone cinematographer Vazco Meridienne-Clothes will show all the new techniques he uses to film shitty camera angles that nobody will ever use in commercials

Rather Fail With Honor Than Succeed By Pathmark.

The Vast World of Fisher Price Little People

Fisher Price Little People have expanded way beyond what you may have grown up with. You can get pretty much any character in a cute, compact Fisher Price version:

So you can now conceivably create a Nativity scene where Homelander, Blanche Devereaux, Cosmo Kramer, Moira Rose, Captain Raymond Holt, Keith Richards, and Megatron visit the Baby Jesus in the manger. Hey, why not?