• The moon doesn't exist; it's actually a giant illuminated balloon engineered by Disney to make you wish more.
• Menudo is a cleverly disguised human trafficking operation run by Mexican cartel dwarves.
• Anyone wearing a Canada Goose down jacket can legally be drafted into the Canadian Goose Research Expedition in the Antarctic.
• Whoever's in the prison kitchen actually in charge of tossing the salads probably gets wisecracks all the time (not a conspiracy, just an observation).
• If you cannot pronounce something at a sushi bar, you get it for free.
• That Stretch Armstrong doll you enjoyed pulling apart as a kid actually could feel all of that.
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