Few things are more riveting than reading the package graphics on your kids' snack food. It was during this activity that I came upon Redd and Seedney on a package of Mott's Applesauce Pouches. Apparently Redd and Seedney are ambassadors for Mott's other delicious pouch offerings, each representing a different SKU. Here now, because we're bored, are some fabricated backstories for each of these delightful new characters:
Redd
Full name: Redd Strawberryman. Born in the 1950s during the Second Communist Scare, he was ironically named by his beatnik parents when he was conceived in a strawberry patch in their commune (an alternate name was McCarthy). To the horror of his parents, Redd devoted his life to ultra-conservative ideals, attending anti-immigrant rallies and boycotting all of Jane Fonda's movies. He is now a fundamentalist preacher and currently resides in Bouckville, NY with his lover Daniel and their adopted children.
Seedney
Born Seedney Opeerahouse in Plano, Texas. Seedney is the accidental offspring of a wild orgy between a raspberry, two blueberries, a strawberry, and Andy Dick. Mott loves to feature Seedney's mixed ethnicity as proof of their dedication to diversity. Seedney loves flea markets, Fortnite, highway medians, and British band The Fixx's 1983 album "Reach The Beach". Seedney is a staunch Flat Earther.
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