Nobody goes to the movies anymore, because the only ones that do are inconsiderate assholes who text and talk and throw shit on the floor like it's their goddamn fucking living room. But those brave souls who still pay box office prices for the theatre experience can also be AMC Stubs Rewards members, now with these new positive perks:
• Free name tag on your shirt spelled in cursive with nacho cheese
• Complimentary lice consultation after sitting in our seats
• If your mom calls, we'll tell her you're too busy getting laid, wink wink
• Free parking lot 5 miles away with a $10 shuttle ride to the theatre
• Free giant Gummi dong that you'll never finish during the movie and will have to take home and explain to your wife
• We will sit behind you and throw popcorn in your hair, just like in high school
• Complimentary "view vest" which is branded with the AMC logo but doesn't do a damn thing except turn you into a walking advertisement
• If you have large knockers, we will be sure to compliment you on them
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