Intex is one of the finest manufacturers of premium air beds this side of the Mississippi. However, their choice of packaging photography gives a secret signal to single men: you will get a handjob if you buy this. Here now are the different types of handjob you can expect from each size airbed:
SKU: The Index Classic Downy, Queen Size
Handjob Promise: A demure blonde will give you a two-hander but avoid eye contact
SKU: The Pillow Rest Raised Airbed, Dura-Beam Standard, Queen size, 16.5 inch version
Handjob Promise: Fox News's Kimberly Guilfoyle will give you a tugger whilst filling your ears with conspiracy horseshit about liberals and Hillary Clinton. You will not be allowed to plug your ears until after release.
SKU: The Pillow Rest Raised Airbed, Dura-Beam Standard, Queen size, 16 inch version
Handjob Promise: a friendly, peppy candy striper from the hospital will cup your balls and talk to you about the weather. Then she will cry uncontrollably if you ask her about her life at home.
Available at all fine stores everywhere. And Walmart.
No comments:
Post a Comment