1) Paper bags aren't usually big or strong enough to hold an entire chicken. Also, who the shit slices pizza that way?
2) "Keep HOT Food HOT! Keep COLD food COLD!"
Also, MEN should marry WOMEN! And WOMEN in skirts are ASKING FOR IT!
3) "If you are not eating take-out or delivered food immediately, follow these guidelines to make sure the food remains safe for you to eat at a later time."
The question that should be asked is, why did you order food if you weren't going to immediately eat it, you indecisive wastoid? Lay off the pipe and eat your Reuben while it's hot.
4) "Inspected for wholesomeness." That means they served it at a Mormon sock hop and measured the number of "gee-willikers" in the responses.
5) If you've got 5 day old egg salad lying around, you deserve to die.
6) "Salads made with mayonnaise do not freeze well." Bullshit. It freezes great- it just tastes like yak ass after thawing later.
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EADJ is proud to announce the 6 Lies Bordeux, bottled exclusively in Central New Jersey.
Full-bodied with herbal notes, this white or red wine (I forget which) boasts a soft, less tannic flavor than a Cabernet sauvignon. Pairs well with a hoagie or cocaine.
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