The Consumer Technology Association's Consumer Electronics Show, or CES, is coming soon, and it promises to showcase some astonishing and advanced technology for consumers. Here are a few scheduled exhibitors:
• Waffle House will introduce WAPP, the smartphone app that helps you shit your drunken pants at 3am.
• Verizon's Erin McPherson, Head of Content Strategy, Acquisition & Programming will hand out her business cards and will be happy to interview if you're hiring
• Boston Dynamics will release all of their robotic dogs to slaughter and maim the entire showroom audience
• NASA will be selling ironic "Space Force, My Ass" t-shirts
• Kikkoman Soy Sauce will fly special "soy sauce drones" to surgically drop soy sauce wherever someone might need some
• The inventor of the IBM ThinkPad will spend 3 hours trying to set up the projector for a retrospective presentation, with a special tribute to the TrackPoint keyboard nub/pointer
• Apple will have a speaker but will ultimately not reveal anything new. Just like they've been doing for the past 7 years.
• BB-8 will be rolling around the convention floor to annoy everyone and get the Star Wars fan base all riled up again
• A lucky guest will be invited to go backstage to see how puppeteers make all the electronics appear to work
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