UAG

This Faucet Spells "TIT."

That is all.

The Infection Spreads More.

Editor's note: This post is a sequel to a 2009 entry.

Patient Zero of the infection was this lady from December 2008:

Years later, several new cases have been spotted in NY and NJ:

Stock up on water and canned goods. This is fucking terrifying.

How To Get Away With Pathmark

The ProofrEADJer: Wrapping Up February Edition

If you can't see, this one reads: CREDENTAILS

Upcoming Info Wars Conspiracies

If you're an irredeemable far right lunatic, you'll be interested in the tinfoil hat horseshit that Info Wars plans to serve up in the coming week. Here's an exclusive sneak peek into the next AJ rants that you can quickly spread among your gullible, shithead friends:

• The soundtrack score to "Black Panther," when transcribed into sheet music and laid over a map of Washington DC, shows all the secret entry points that black people will use to overthrow the government during the upcoming race war.

• Every hand carwash employs at least one CIA operative who is there to plant a tracking device in your car. The tips you give them fund the entire operation, so don't tip.

• Handicapped ramps secretly contain radioactive waste to slowly give people in wheelchairs superhuman powers which they will use to enslave the able-bodied.

• The Dave Matthews Band's 2009 "Big Whiskey & the GrooGrux King" is the most underrated album in his discography. Go give it another listen!

• People who allegedly "pass gallstones" are actually mules for smuggling cruelty-free diamonds from South Africa into the country, thus destabilizing the entire diamond industry.

• That one member of Boyz II Men who refused to join the reunion tour knows something– I'm sure of it. I bet it has to do with the JFK assassination or Whitewater.

The Triumphant Return of Ugly Andrew Gall

Car Door Was Happy

Car Door was happy.

But Tire Inflater Cord was ecstatic.

Oogie Boogie from "Nightmare Before Christmas" was shocked into silence.

Bath Towel gave the crazy eye.

Door Jr. and Door Sr. kept out of it.

Headphones Dog sat in a corner.

And Playground Climbing Wall did its best presidential impression.

EADJ Presents: Favorite Dishes To Accompany Backhanded Compliments

This blog is all about culture. We track furniture trends, the newest dating apps and sometimes what gourmet dishes are best served with withering backhanded compliments. Here now are the latest and greatest delicious entrees along with the passive aggressively unkind things one could hear while enjoying:

Lemon Dill Chicken with Brown Rice / "I love how you don't obsess about how you look."

Pineapple Jalapeno Cod with Broccoli / "You're pretty cool for a Jew!"

Salmon Teriyaki over Brown Rice / "You're the only one out of all of us who never got married. How'd you do it?"

Lemon Dill Shrimp with Asparagus & Rice / "That wasn't the worst sex I've ever had."

Chicken Vindaloo with Jasmine Rice / "Good game. I tore a ligament last week, but you won fair and square."

Meatball Arrabiatta Angel Hair Spaghetti / "Good job winning the account. I can't believe you pulled it off."

General Tso's Chicken over Brown Rice / "It never would have worked out between you two– he's a model and rich and all that, and you're you."

Cod over Pesto Cous Cous with Asparagus / "Sure, I'd fuck you if I were drunk."