The ProofrEADJer: October Edition

The Triumphant Return of Ugly Andrew Gall

UAG

Lazy, lazy, lazy, lazy, lazy, lazy, lazy.

Like The Wind Rushing Through My Racist Appliances

Thus ends a week of nothing but solid, reliable EADJ segments.

Proof I'm Not Ready To Be A Father Yet

In the latest issue of SkyWest Magazine (??!????!!!???!?!???!!???), I get a chuckle from two ads that put "nutz" and "beaver" next to each other.

A Great Tip From Self Magazine

Spotted on the cover of "Self" at Pathmark: a blurb in pink:



"Look Like You Lost 5 Pounds?!"

Is losing five pounds that hard? Shit fucking ballsack. How goddamned lazy do you have to be to be unable to drop five lousy pounds? I lose that after an extended dump. I lose that after skipping a lunch. I lose that after getting off my fat ass and going for a run. Shit, people. "Look like you lost 5 pounds." Self Magazine, instead of encouraging you to eat right or –God forbid– exercise, has helped you craft a way to fool all of your friends into thinking you lost five pounds. They are spinning a web of lies for you from which you cannot escape. One lie leads to another, and soon you're murdering a janitor to use his corpse to fake your own death so that you can move to Mexico and start a new life! Don't read that article!

By the way, nobody notices when you lose only five pounds. Lose ten pounds and then we can talk, fatass.

Are You there Joel? It's Me, Dick.

Sorry for the lack of updates. It's been so busy at EADJ headquarters. It seems like we're stormchasers around here sometimes, except instead of a huge tornado, it's a 140 lb. blur of a man eating lots of serious cock.

Joel hit a career milestone today, eating his 7,000th dick. Spectators and well-wishers were there to help Joel celebrate the occasion, watching the big dick clock turn over from 6,999. Parade Magazine reporters were there to document the event and to make Joel the coverboy for the Feb. 18 issue. Joel is also going to appear in a swimsuit spread in Soldier of Fortune Magazine, holding three thongs in his mouth and a Faberge egg in his anus.

(pictured above, Gay Bears, the newest Western boy band on Fresh Jive Records, climb up the Gay Alternative charts with their hit "Your Love's Fermenting In My Taint.")