1) It's not so much an 18th Century costumed guide by lantern light as it is a bored Alexandria high school student in a bonnet checking her texts.
2) "At the tour's end your guide will abandon you in a graveyard!" What fun is abandonment if you're going to announce it? Weak.
3) "This tour contains content that could be considered of a sensational nature and may not be suitable for all parties." Translation: HOT COLONIAL ORGIES
4) Friday's no good for me. How about the next Wednesday for a good fake haunting?
5) Colonial-costumed = foam tricorner hat and an untucked frilly shirt
6) Scanning this QR code actually transports you back to 2005 when that technology was considered cool.
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