Wednesday, January 11, 2017

6 Lies Told By The Diggerland Brochure

1) "Buckets of fun for everyone!" Not fun for people who already work 12 hour shifts in construction.

2) This is just a redneck Disneyland ride, isn't it? The kind you see on YouTube? Yeah.

3) "The Best Parties In The World." Apparently they neglected to count the Roman Emperor Caligula's pret-ty insane parties in 38 A.D.

4) "Family Outings." I don't know about you, but if I were homosexual and wanted to announce it to my family, I certainly wouldn't use a park full of steamrollers and backhoes as my venue.

5) Child labor laws in New Jersey do exist, despite what the signage at the front gate will tell you.

6) "DIG all year" and "Open March to December." Does that make any sense to you? These goddam architects with their imprecise language. How can we get anything done with those ivory tower assholes contradicting themselves?! STRIKE!!!


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