Wednesday, December 7, 2016

6 Lies Told By The Hornblower Jazzy Champagne Brunch Cruise Brochure

1) There is no mention of the below-decks orgy that occurs halfway through brunch.

2) "Contact us for deals & specials." They neglected to share the password for the below-decks orgy, which is "Land ho!" Seriously, it's a proper no-holds-barred, go-for-the-gusto orgy with plenty of penetration, spouse-swapping, and stretched-to-the-limit latex.

3) "Glorious views" indeed. Staring into a stranger's gaping 50-year-old vagina after a couple of mimosas is pretty darn glorious.

4) "There's no better way to brunch." ;)

5) That ain't chocolate.

6) "Photo opportunities with New York's most iconic landmarks." In actuality, there are NO CAMERAS OR PHONES ALLOWED in the below-decks orgy for privacy and security reasons. Anyone caught taking a selfie while some rando Lithuanian is balls deep in you will be severely reprimanded and asked to leave.


EADJ and the American Society of Six Lies Told are thrilled to announce the Six Lies Told fragrance, bottled and distributed by Lamå Rousse perfumery. The fragrance itself is an oriental musk, with hints of white florals and iced coffee. Starting out with top notes of whipped crème coffee, clementine and nectarine, the scent’s mid notes are made up of dulce de leche, orange flower and jasmine sambac. Rounding the fragrance out are the richer base notes of luminous amber and sensual musk.

The Six Lies Told fragrance will sell for $1500 for an 8 oz. bottle.

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