Wednesday, March 30, 2016

The Adult Adventures of Caillou

If you have kids, chances you've watched the awful cartoon "Caillou," which features possibly the whiniest bitch of a fictional toddler you've ever seen. This week Netflix announced an updated reboot of the maligned Caillou franchise, featuring the main character as an adult working in the big city. Here now are some episode plot outlines:

• Caillou feels bad because although he was given a verbal invitation to someone's birthday party in the break room, he didn't also get an email invite.

• Caillou gets the janitor fired because he didn't feel like he said "hello" to him that one time and made him feel bad.

• Caillou shows up late for work and has to park farther away from the main entrance. He writes down all the other cars' license plates to confront them later about forcing him to walk so far.

• Caillou imagines an attractive co-worker making sexual advances to him, but feels bad when she does nothing of the sort. He starts planning to get her transferred or fired for making him feel bad.

• Caillou gets fired, feels bad about getting fired, then sues the company for emotional distress. He loses the case and spends his entire life savings and 401(k) on lawyer's fees. Shit sucks now, don't it, Caillou?

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