Project Hillbilly Teeth, Phase 4: Special Train Edition

(cue irritating banjo music)

Project Hillbilly Teeth continues, but before we dive into it, we should restate our mission objectives:

1) find business cards, luggage tags or junk mail that people have dropped in public places

2) retain these items to protect those innocent people from identity theft/fraud

3) mail them a confusing letter with some "Bubba" hillbilly teeth enclosed in the envelope

4) speculate on their delicious confusion

All three of the following entries took place on trains, train platforms or stations. The first one being a business card dropped by a representative of "International Speakers Bureau," a company that provides luminary speakers like Toby Keith (?), Ellen DeGeneres, Jimmy Buffett (!), and Anderson Cooper to give motivational speeches to corporations. Because nothing gets me more fired up about teamwork and making my sales quota than Jimmy Buffett.

For this one, I wrote to the nice lady pretending to be the President of the United Plumbers Pipefitter Association.

(Click to enlarge)

For our second entry, we found a luggage tag in the Amtrak terminal at New York Penn Station. 

The owner of this tag was most likely a business traveler, so we figured a nice letter to him from someone who could have possibly struck up a conversation with him on the train would be appropriate.

(Click to enlarge)

Lastly, on the 7 shuttle subway train, we found this ripped-in-half piece of mail:

Turns out it was a bill for an overdue balance for a subscription to Harper's Magazine. The person who ripped and littered this seemed to be interested in literature, politics, culture, finance, the arts, and not paying their magazine bills for months.

Rather than hector the subscriber about the overdue balance, I decided to take a different tack and screw up their day even more:

(Click to enlarge)

So I sealed up and mailed these bad boys and let the USPS take them where they may, like leaves on the Seine.

Drop it like it's hillbilly teeth.

I can only imagine how those lucky recipients looked wearing their newfound novelty teeth. Here now are an artist's renditions:

The business traveler by train who struck up an interesting conversation with a stranger:

The avid (but delinquent) Harper's Magazine subscriber/litterbug:

The celebrity public speaker representative:

And just for the hell of it, I did one with the President of the United Plumbers Pipefitter Association wearing hillbilly teeth, too.

(fade out irritating banjo music)